


last blues for bloody knuckles

by creamcoffeelou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1960s, Alpha Harry, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Gang affiliation, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mob AU, Omega Louis, Pregnancy, Religious Themes, honestly a lot of religious themes for someone whos not religious lmfao, single parent, strangers to lovers to strangers to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 34,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24211081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creamcoffeelou/pseuds/creamcoffeelou
Summary: “Hi, love,” A too-familiar voice greeted him from the other side of the door. He had a cigarette dangling from his lips that he brought between two fingers as his eyes raked over Louis.All Louis could do was stare, wide-eyed at the alpha that he’d left behind so many years ago.“Harry?” His voice felt far away, like it wasn’t him that was speaking. On the other side of the door stood the one man he never thought he’d see again, and maybe the only man he never wanted to see again. A few steps behind him stood Liam and someone else he didn’t recognize, with guns tucked into their front pockets.“I need you to come with me.”ORStyles was a name everyone knew. It had evolved into something of a fairy tale, a far away problem that normal people didn’t have to deal with. Louis never thought he’d find himself falling in love with him. When he finds himself pregnant with Harry’s child, he knows he has to leave the life, and Harry, behind. For her sake.He never expected Harry to show back up on his doorstep five years later.A mob au.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 50
Kudos: 598





	1. One.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is kind of a two-in-one. Two linear stories kind of jammed in between each other until they cross over. Enjoy.

1969 - _NOW_

Louis wiped his hands dry on the apron tied tightly around his waist as the sounds of the city below slowly came to life. 

The warm yellow wallpaper bounced early morning light around his flat, surrounding everything in a soft, warm glow. Slightly wilted flowers sat tied with a bow in a vase on the windowsill that he’d brought home from the shops a week earlier. A framed photo sat on the same ledge, the back having broken off of the frame where he used to hang it on the wall. 

Voices of people walking to the city and down the block towards the shops floated up through the slightly opened windows of the flat. The tube track came above ground just shy of a block away from the building and it shook things just slightly with each train that passed by. 

Home had changed over the years, from exciting and constantly changing to normal, comfortable. Almost boring, really. His daughter was still sleeping and the house was quiet; the door to her room just slightly ajar, the fresh bread and coffee promising to wake her up any moment. 

He hummed a song under his breath as he poured himself a cup of coffee, topped with enough cream to turn it light brown. The newspaper from the day before that he hadn’t gotten around to reading sat open to the crossword page with only two words filled in, a pen resting on top of the page. 

He grabbed the pen and twirled it between two fingers as he read over the clues to find the next word before soft footsteps echoed against the hardwood floors of the apartment and he looked up to see Elizabeth walking into the kitchen with her stuffed bear in her hand. 

He smiled as she shuffled over and pulled a chair out and sat down, rubbing her eyes softly.

“Morning, love,” he said, running a hand through her untamed brown curls and placing a kiss on top of her head. She looked more like Harry every day, with her wide green eyes and brown hair; but, she had his nose, too. His cheekbones and narrow shoulders and big knees. She was a perfect mixture of the two of them, an occasional reminder of the life he’d had and loved but a constant reminder of the life he’d built for himself, for them. 

“Lizzie, baby, do you want buttered bread for breakfast?” 

“Yes please, mama.”

Louis nodded before he stood up, straightening his apron back out and taking the bread out of the oven. He sliced it carefully, taking the crusts off just like she always asked for, and spread butter over two slices, one for each of them. 

It was just the two of them, but that was exactly how he liked it. 

In the beginning, he’d had to force himself to say that. Through the too-hard nights alone where he’d be awake every hour to soothe a crying baby, through the sore breastfeeding nipples and the sadness that rested deep in his bones that he hadn’t been able to shake until Lizzie was nearly one. 

London had stopped feeling like home when he’d turned twenty and had Elizabeth. 

He’d dreamed of moving to the country and finding a quiet little place to raise her and learn to love the life he had, but the city turned out to be the only place a single omega had the chance to live alone. Landlords didn’t ask for alpha papers when they collected the rent and they didn’t think twice when he paid them on time each and every month without fail. 

He was a young mum and he was able to build a life from scratch in the city, even if there were still parts about it that he wished he could detach himself from. 

But in the early mornings with the sound of traffic and people going about their days, he found himself falling in love with the city all over again. 

He finished his coffee and cleaned up after their breakfast before it was time for them to start their day. Lizzie went to brush her teeth and get herself dressed and Louis cleared his normal space on the table to start his work. 

Their flat was on the second floor, just above a bakery, and it always filled the space with the smell of chocolate chip cookies and fruit jams that reminded him of spring. The August summer days were hot, unforgiving and demanding attention, but Louis loved the light they brought with them. 

The warmth and homeliness that the city often lacked. 

As he went through the motions of his morning, he tried to think through what he needed to do for the rest of the day. Niall and his sister’s kids would be over later with supper for a playdate. 

On Wednesday afternoons, Louis did books for Mr. Jones, from three flats over. He ran two shops and a bar downtown but was entirely hopeless when it came to taxes and payroll. He’d been the first client that Louis had taken on with his natural talent for math, and from there he’d slowly made a name for himself around town that he was the most efficient for the least amount of money. 

He knew he was good at his job, and he always tried to be the best he could be at everything that he did. He didn’t hate the work and he was happy to do whatever he needed to do to keep himself and Lizzie comfortable. 

The phone that hung on the wall at the entrance to the kitchen rang, the shrill sound echoing through the flat twice before Louis stood and went to answer it. 

“Hello?” 

“Hiya Louis, so my sister’s come down with the flu and thinks the kids might have it too. Do you still want me over? I can bring dinner instead,” Niall said, voice sounding far away like he was resting the phone against his shoulder. 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. We always love to have you over. Lizzie’s been asking after you the last few days.” He got a laugh from his friend on the other end and he smiled, leaning back against the counter and twisting the cord around a finger. 

“Great, I should be over in an hour and a half.”

“See you then!” The line went dead after a moment and he hung it back on the receiver before he went back to the table. 

He punched numbers into a calculator with a lip between his teeth as a record spun quietly on the turntable across the room. Lizzie was sat at the table practicing her reading, trying to sound out a word occasionally and with Louis gently correcting her. She’d just turned five and would be starting primary school in September, but Louis had done his best to teach her to read, to teach her simple maths, to teach her anything he could. 

When she was a baby, he’d carry her around the flat and point at things and tell her what they were. She’d stare at each of the objects for a while before she’d mutter out the same word he’d just said. Before long, she would run around on her own, pointing and telling Louis what each thing was. Then it evolved to her asking how to spell them as she wrote words on the backs of papers Louis had used for scratch math. 

She was smart, brilliant, really, and Louis was proud of her every day. 

“Mummy, what is necka-sherry?” 

“Necessary? It’s when something is important or needs to be done.” She repeated the word after him two times until she got the pronunciation right, and then she was moving on to the next word on her list. He pressed the calculate button on his calculator just as the doorbell rang, startling him out of his focus as he jumped slightly. 

Elizabeth stood up and started towards the door before Louis stopped her. It was one of the habits he’d yet to be able to break her out of, her curiosity always leaving her wanting to know who was on the other side of the door, too. 

“Let me answer it, sweetheart. Just stay there alright?” He started, “Coming!” The bell rang again and he huffed in annoyance as he made his way to the door and pulled it open, eyebrows furrowed. He opened his mouth to greet them, but instead, he was frozen in place. 

His heart rate picked up in his chest and his fingers felt numb where he gripped the door handle too tightly. 

“Hi, love,” A too-familiar voice greeted him from the other side of the door. He had a cigarette dangling from his lips that he brought between two fingers as his eyes raked over Louis. 

All Louis could do was stare, wide-eyed at the alpha that he’d left behind so many years ago. 

“Harry?” His voice felt far away, like it wasn’t him that was speaking. On the other side of the door stood the one man he never thought he’d see again, and maybe the only man he never wanted to see again. A few steps behind him stood Liam and someone else he didn’t recognize, with guns tucked into their front pockets. 

“I need you to come with me.” 

***

1963 - THEN

When Louis left home at seventeen, he never thought he’d end up in the city. 

He’d fallen into a job in north London waiting tables and managed to find a flat with a roommate who was never home. The costs were manageable and let him afford to take classes at the university in the evenings. It had been like that for two and a half years, and before long he’d be graduated and ready to take on whatever the world had to offer him. 

When he’d washed up in London, the first person he’d met had been Niall. He’d been terrified of everyone and everything, the new big city sounds and people too much for him while he was alone and trying to find his footing, but something about Niall had felt warm and welcoming in a way that didn’t match the cold feelings that he’d gotten from the city in his first few hours there.

He’d been staring at the tube map, trying to make out the name of a street in poorly scrawled handwriting from an old friend he was meant to be staying with in the city. After helping him find what he was looking for, the two of them had bonded over the feeling of moving so far from home and their goals to have bigger, better things, one day. 

Niall wanted to be a professor. He wanted to teach the youngest minds of the country and build them up to become the future of all of them. He wanted to guide passionate young minds into doing what they dreamed of. Louis wanted the same thing, even if on a smaller scale. He wanted to mold and shape the youngest minds around them, teach the foundations of the world for the people that would end up in Niall’s classroom, one day.

Niall had taken him to an omega friendly bar that night, told him he needed to get out, to see the parts of the city that weren’t so bad. He’d spent the last of his money that he’d brought with him on a drink and a plate of fish and chips, but it had been one of the best nights of his entire life. The instant bond that he and Niall had formed that night would rival any other bond in his life, he thought.

Niall offered him a job that night as a waitress at the restaurant his uncle owned. 

Before long, Niall had ended up taking the third room in the too-small flat after they’d met and Louis’ rent fell even further. Slowly, things changed to be working in Louis’ favor in the way he worried they couldn’t in the city, and he was happy.

By nineteen, he was comfortable in his skin and in his job with Niall. He took classes at the university in the evening and worked in the mornings – it all felt natural.

It was a Sunday, not long before Louis was set to be done for the evening. It had been a slow day, mostly filled with gossiping with Niall and some of his favorite customers.

“Louis, can you take that last table? I just wanna do my books so I can go home,” Niall said, waving a hand to the booth tucked furthest in the corner of the restaurant. Louis just huffed out a laugh and rolled his eyes. “What?” 

“You only do that when you think an alpha at the table is hot. Stop trying to set me up!” 

“Well,” Niall said, shrugging. “He is hot. And I _do_ want to go home.” 

Louis sighed with a fond smile as he tied his apron a little tighter around his waist, doing a nice little bow in the back. He didn’t push the topic anymore than that as he pushed through the door from the kitchen to the front of the house just as the record in the jukebox switched to an upbeat tune. “Good evening gentleman, my name’s Louis and I’ll be takin’ care of you this evening. Can I get you started with some drinks?” 

  
  


For the first time, Louis almost hoped for a table to be less _boring._ Normally, he loved his boring customers, loved the easy work and the coins left on the table at the end of the evening for not having to do much at all.

The two alphas in the back corner of the diner were very typically boring guests. They told him they wouldn’t need anything else for a while and sent him off to be bored again with Niall.

“Soooo,” the other man started, “He’s totally your type, right?”

“Niall, I told you to stop trying to set me up with every alpha who walks in here with a leather jacket on!” Niall grinned and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Uh huh, and I told you to stop staring at Mr. Handsome out there if you want me to shut up about him.”

“You literally did not say that.”

“Well. It’s implied.”

Louis rolled his eyes, but Niall wasn’t wrong. He did keep glancing at the alpha through the window from the kitchen between stealing slices of pre-cooked bacon.

“So, what exactly am I supposed to do?” He asked, trying not to be too obvious as he poked his head around the corner to look at the alpha again

“Well, you have to go out and give him the check, anyway. So, that’s your chance?” Louis hummed, trying to think of a good way to approach the situation. It might not be taken well for an omega to approach an alpha and the last thing he wanted was to be laughed at, so he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. “Wait, look, the other guy with him just went to the loo, now’s your chance!”

Louis grabbed the check off of the line above the stove and walked out to the front of the house without a thought after that.

What he didn’t see was the puddle of water on the ground just more than a meter away from the table the alpha was sat at – at least until he was already falling over it and tumbling to the ground.

“Are you alright?” The alpha asked immediately, standing and reaching out to help him up. Louis took the offer of an outstretched hand and let the alpha help him stand, the redness of his cheeks warm.

“Yes I’m fine… Sorry… now I’ve gone and made myself look right stupid,” Louis said with a blush on his cheeks. 

“No. Not at all.” The way the alpha spoke only further showed his confidence. It made Louis want to pay attention to him, even sat right across from him at the table. It only made his attention feel even more caught in the aura of the man.

It certainly helped that the man in front of him was by far the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. 

“Would you like to sit with me for a while?” In any other case, Louis would say no. He’d excuse it with other customers being at other tables and go back to tell Niall to stop trying to set him up with every alpha he thought was Louis’ type. But for the first time, he wanted to say yes. “My friend just left, so it’ll just be us.”

Only then did the alpha let go of his hand where he was still holding him, almost as if he was going to fall again without anything causing it. Louis almost felt like he might from how much the alpha’s scent made his head spin.

“Okay. Sure. Let me go balance my books and then I’ll come and join you for a bit.” The alpha smiled again and then he was taking his seat back at the booth.

“Looking forward to it, love,” The alpha said and Louis’ stomach did another turn as he walked back to the kitchen.

Niall didn’t say anything as he quickly counted up the notes he’d made over his shift and put them into an envelope before dropping them into the safe. It was the quickest he’d ever finished up his books for the night, palms sweaty with a nervous excitement.

He’d yet to meet an alpha that caught his attention since he moved to the city. It was something he’d been looking forward to even if it felt like it wouldn’t ever happen. He took his apron off and hung it on the hook just behind the breakroom door, then fixed his hair in the mirror hung just beside it.

Barely ten minutes later he was walking back out to join the alpha.

“Hi,” the alpha said, still smiling.

“Hi again.”

“Would you like to sit?”

“Yes, sure. Thank you.” He sat across from the other man, and up close he could see the green of his eyes and the freckles along his nose and cheeks.

“I’m Harry, by the way.”

“Louis.”

“It’s lovely to meet you, Louis.”

They sat there long after Niall cleaned up the rest of the diner and closed the kitchen. Time felt faster than normal with how easily the conversation flowed between them without a single hitch or awkward pause.

It wasn’t until the clock chimed and he looked over to see that it was past midnight.

“Oh, wow. We’ve been here for… five and a half hours?”

“Really?” The alpha seemed just as surprised, which only made Louis smile. It was raining heavily outside the window, fat drops gliding down the glass. “Would you like a ride home?” Another crack of thunder whipped through the sky, followed a moment later with a burst of lightning.

“Um, sure. Yeah, I suppose that would be nice.”

“You suppose?” Harry teased, quirking an eyebrow. Louis rolled his eyes with a laugh.

“Maybe so.” Harry guided him outside, waiting for a moment as Louis pushed the key into the lock and closed up the restaurant for the evening.

“Here, take this,” Harry said, pulling his jacket off from around his shoulders and handing it over to Louis. He had a second jacket on beneath it, denim rather than leather, so he almost didn’t feel as bad for taking it, but he still hesitated just for a moment. “It’s alright. It’s cold. You’re shivering.”

He hadn’t noticed until the other man pointed it out, but he just nodded and took the jacket. The moment he slid it around his shoulders he was hit with another strong wave of Harry’s scent, making his head go fuzzy all over again.

“I’m not usually in the business of accepting jackets or rides from strange alphas, just so you know.” Harry grinned, but it didn’t seem to phase him. He guided him out to the parking lot and stopped in front of a motorcycle, making Louis’ eyes widen slightly in shock. That hadn’t been exactly what he’d been expecting, but a part of him loved the thrill. 

Louis sighed softly, content, as he pulled his – or, _Harry’s_ – jacket a little tighter around himself.

“There’s something we have in common, then.” Louis laughed and he was almost taken by surprise by it, but how easily the alpha made him laugh. It had been a constant thing for the entire night, so much that his cheeks were almost sore with how much he’d been smiling and laughing throughout the night. It was a feeling he didn’t recognize, but it was a great feeling. “You can wear my helmet. Just make sure you hold on.”

“Well, alright.”

Harry got onto the bike first, and Louis climbed on behind him, wrapping his arms around the alpha’s chest. Then the bike roared to life beneath them and Harry took off.

He could only hold on tighter as the wind whipped around them, cold air against his skin sending spikes of adrenaline through him. He was certain he’d never gone so fast through the streets of the city, and he couldn’t help but smile, holding on tighter.

He gasped as Harry sped up, driving down the streets faster than Louis thought possible. All he could do was hold onto him tightly, laughing a bit as the wind whipped back in their faces. “Oh, my God,” He said, laughing, as Harry rolled to a stop at a stoplight. 

“Having fun yet?”

“Fun in the way that I might have a heart attack, but yes,” Louis said, grinning. Harry took off once again, speeding down the streets and turning only when Louis told him to. His heart was racing, adrenaline thrumming through his veins. He felt like he was soaring above the clouds.

“I’m in the yellow building there on the corner,” He said over the roar of the engine as they sped down his street. Harry brought the bike to a slow stop right in front of his building and Louis pulled the helmet off of his head. His hair felt flat and damp from the rain, but his cheeks ached from a night full of smiles.

Harry moved the bike to the curb, resting it on the kickstand and walking him to the door of his building. For a moment, Louis thought he would kiss him, but he didn’t let himself look too disappointed when he didn’t. He seemed gentlemanly enough to wait – and that both made Louis frustrated and in awe of the alpha in front of him.

“I’ll see you?” Louis asked, taking a step through his door, backwards as he faced Harry, with a smile on his face. 

“Yeah. Of course. You have a good night, Louis.”

“Bye, Harry.” 

He closed the door and smiled softly once again. It was the first time he’d ever really felt happy at the attention given to him by an alpha - and in that moment he felt high with it. 

Only then did he realize he still had Harry’s jacket on, just as he heard the roar of the bike’s engine speed down the street once again. He wrapped it tighter around himself and took a deep breath.

He’d give it back to him the next time he saw him.

He climbed up the three flights of stairs to their flat with the same smile still on his face, shoving his hands into the pockets of the jacket as he walked.

On a napkin from the diner, a phone number was written.

_I’d love to hear from you. – h_

Butterflies erupted in Louis’ stomach all over again, a grin on his face that even Niall’s teasing couldn’t get rid of.

  
  


Harry came to see him at work again the next day. 

He hadn’t called, but Louis hadn’t let himself get caught up on it. It felt too soon to expect a call, anyway. But when he found the alpha stood outside of the door to his restaurant as he walked up to start his shift, a cigarette dangling from his lips, a jolt of excitement zipped through him all over again. 

“I’m – actually not free after work today,” He said, frowning. It sounded too much like he was turning down the alpha for his liking, especially when that was the exact opposite of his intentions. “I’ll call you tonight, though? If you like?”

“What time? Want to make sure I’m home to pick up.” Louis smiled again, ducking his head to try and hide the blush on his cheeks.

“Eight?”

“Perfect. I’m looking forward to it.”

Louis was, too.

Work passed in a whirlwind of a busy Monday rush. His regulars came in to see him as well as just as many new customers, all keeping him busy enough that his back and feet ached by the end of it. Then he’d had classes for the evening, an exam in one class and a paper due in another, both of which he felt confident enough in, but it only added to his exhaustion of the day.

He shifted his bag on his shoulders as he walked down the sidewalk back towards his flat.

The tube station was too far out of his way to justify taking it home from university even if it would be faster - but he’d learned to love the walk over the years. It gave him time to decompress after a long night, to think through the rest of his plans for the evening and start planning for the following day. 

The sun was setting over the city buildings as he walked, humming a tune that had been played half a dozen times from the jukebox at work earlier in the day. 

“Louis?” A voice said from a few meters in front of him, catching his attention. 

Harry. 

“Oh, hello Harry!” He said with a smile. “It’s good to see you.” 

“It’s good to see you, too. Are you walking alone?” 

“Oh, well, yes.”

“Can I walk you home?” 

“Are you sure? It’s pretty far.”

“I was actually just headed home for the evening myself. I live in the same direction.” A part of him almost didn’t believe the alpha, but he wasn’t going to argue. So he just nodded and let Harry walk with him.

“Sorry I took your jacket last night. I forgot I was wearing it until I was already inside.”

“That’s alright. I’m always happy to find another excuse to see a beautiful omega.”

“You don’t need an excuse, you know.”

Harry smiled and Louis’ stomach erupted into flips all over again. He didn’t understand how Harry had so much power over him, how it was so easy for him to turn him into mush with just a smile or a grin or a few words.

They walked in silence for a while, the city sounds surrounding them as they just enjoyed one another’s company.

“So, what brought you to the city?” Harry asked, breaking the silence after they’d walked about six blocks.

“My mum remarried when I was a teenager. I think like, fourteen? Her husband and I never really saw eye to eye on things, I suppose. Different political views and that. He really held on to the small town values that I was trying to separate myself from.”

“You mean omega rights and stuff?” 

Louis nodded, shrugging slightly. He wasn’t usually open about things like that – it wasn’t fun to talk about his childhood, about the people that expected him to lay on his back and cook dinner every night for the first alpha that looked at him when he turned eighteen. 

“Well, my mum died when I was sixteen and I had to decide if I was gonna stay there with him, or leave. I decided to leave, and the city was the best place I could think of to match my values and my ideals. So, here I am.” Harry was smiling, and that made the butterflies feel even bigger inside of Louis’ stomach. 

Even in the city he knew there were alphas who wanted nothing to do with the omega rights movements, but Harry being so happy for him being at least somewhat independent made him feel happy in a way he didn’t know he could around an alpha. 

“I’m sorry about your mum.”

“‘S alright. I’ve had enough time to mourn and accept it, now.” Harry nodded, like he understood. Louis _had_ mourned her loss, but it was also something he knew would hurt for the rest of his life, no matter what he did. It was a fact of life, but he’d learned that the pain was just a reminder of how important she’d been to him, for his entire life. He stopped himself from thinking about her anymore before he was asking a question to Harry in return. “You’re a city boy boy blood then? I can tell from your accent.” 

“I get that a lot, actually. I was raised in Cheshire, but I spent a lot of time with my dad in London. Summers and holidays and the like, so I ended up with his accent instead of hers. Guess it only got stronger when I moved here permanently, too.”

They talked more about their families, about their childhoods and their siblings and first loves as they walked.

Harry had some kind of unnatural ability to make Louis laugh more than anyone else ever had. He wasn’t sure if that was just because of how much he liked the alpha, or if it was actually a natural talent of his, but he loved it too much to question it.

Louis had lost count of how many dates they’d been on, in his head. He’d written each one down in his journal at home, scribbled down highlights and conversation points and thoughts about the alpha to bring himself down for the night. But each one was just as exciting, just as amazing as the last.

So, he wasn’t surprised that his stomach was still doing flips when Harry took the two of them to a cafe at the edge of the city. Louis had never been, but it was beautiful. 

They ordered their dinner and talked about their day – Louis talking about a professor in one of his classes that seemed to like him and his ideas and Harry talking about one of his work friends bringing him a gift because he thought it was his birthday (even if it wasn’t).

They stayed long after they finished after a reassurance from the waitress that they weren’t holding up a table that she wanted to give to someone else – buying more cups of coffee and a slice of pie to share as they sat there a while longer.

Just before they were going to leave, Louis took the pen from the table and grabbed a napkin, cupping his arm around it as he wrote out a little note to Harry.

The alpha’s mouth curved up into a smile as he watched him and a blush spread over the tops of Louis’ cheeks. He loved the feeling of his attention on him and he never wanted it to stop. Could bask in the feeling of being seen by Harry for days. 

He set the pen down with a click and slid the napkin over to Harry. 

_Will you still love me tomorrow?_

He read it with a smile before he picked up the same pen and wrote out a response, Louis chewing his lip softly as he watched. It felt like an eternity before the note was passed back over, a gleam of light in Harry’s eyes. 

_Forever, if you’ll have me._

It took a moment for that to sink in for Louis, for him to swallow down the summersaults that his stomach insisted on doing. The air felt like it was knocked out of his chest in the best way possible. It was a feeling he never wanted to let go of, that he wanted to have every day for the rest of his life. 

_Only if you kiss me._

Harry’s movements were slow but sure as he put a hand on Louis’ chin and tilted his head up just slightly, then pressed the softest kiss against his lips. Louis let his eyes close, smiling when Harry pulled away. 

“Forever it is,” He whispered. 

_I love you,_ Louis wanted to say, but he didn’t. There was no deep reason or profound thought behind not saying it, but he liked the idea of keeping that feeling to himself for a while longer. He loved the idea of loving Harry, loved the idea of loving and being in love, but for that moment, he kept it inside of himself.

The music in the diner could have tuned him out if they weren’t so close, but it felt like nothing else in the world mattered. It was just the two of them and everything else felt far away and unimportant. It felt like a high he couldn’t get any other way. 

Each day, Harry felt more like home than anything else he’d ever felt.

It was Tuesday and Harry had invited Louis to his flat.

“When I set the two of you up I didn’t think I’d never see you again,” Niall said from the doorway of the bathroom as Louis used a brush to put some blush on his cheeks, a mug of tea between both of his hands. “I just thought you needed to get laid.”

“You know you can’t take all the credit for the two of us getting together. All you did was let me take your last table,” He said, rolling his eyes with a smile. He closed the little tin of the makeup and set it back on the counter. “But Harry will be here in just a few minutes to get me.”

“Is he good in bed at least? He looks like he’s –"

“Jesus, Niall. We haven’t slept together yet.” He felt a blush rise to his cheeks at the idea of getting to sleep with Harry, excitement in his chest. But he wanted to wait until they could at least admit they were in love, wait until he knew that Harry was his forever person. “But I do kind of love him.”

“I figured.”

He grinned as he heard the sound of boots climbing the stairs outside of the flat, the paper thin walls always giving it away when Harry was coming to get him. The heavy steps of his boots were too obvious, slow steps with a loud echo. 

He and Harry both had the day off, a rare shared day entirely between them with no distractions, nothing else they had to worry about except one another. He ran his comb through his hair one last time before there was a tapping of a knock on his door and he darted over to answer it.

“Hi,” He said, smiling up at Harry.

“Hi, love. You ready?”

“Almost. Let me put my shoes on real quick.” He opened the little closet door beside the front door and put his shoes and coat on. 

Outside, Harry’s bike was stood on the sidewalk just beside the rack where all of the bicycles were chained up. He pulled the same leather jacket that Harry had let him wear that first night tighter around his shoulders, zipping it up to his neck.

“I was wondering when you would take me back out on this,” He said, grinning as he climbed onto the back behind Harry and slid the helmet over his head.

“I was worried I scared you a bit too much that first night. After I left I was kicking my own arse thinking I’d scared you off.”

“Might take a little more than a motorbike to scare me off, Haz.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“It could be,” He said, laughing.

Harry waited only until Louis was holding on – arms wrapped tightly around his waist – and then he took off.

It felt like flying, going the fastest Louis had ever gone down back roads and swerving past cars that seemed like they were standing still when they passed by. He held on to Harry as tightly as he could, the beating of his heart strong in his chest as they sped down the road. The roar of the engine was loud in his ears, but he drowned it out beneath the whipping of the wind and the blare of the bike’s stereo.

They weren’t out of the city center for long before Harry was slowing down as they turned back into the center city roads. He still went fast, but it wasn’t so much that he couldn’t hear anything over the roar of the wind against his helmet.

Harry parked his bike on the sidewalk just beside a row of flats in the center of the city and Louis pulled his helmet off.

“All good?”

“ _That_ might have scared me off on the first night.” Harry laughed but all Louis could do was grin, letting Harry take his hand as he led him up to the second floor. There were two locks on the door as he watched as Harry undid both with two separate keys before the door was opening.

“But not now, right?”

“No. Definitely not now.”

The first thing he noticed when they walked inside was that Harry’s flat was _massive_. 

Louis thought he could fit at least five of his own into the living room alone and all he could do was look around, wide eyed. It was decorated beautifully, art hung around the walls and plants placed in bright sunspots all around them. He could see through the kitchen from the living room, the windows wide and bright with a set of French doors leading to a balcony.

“I can put a record on while I make us some lunch, if you want?”

“Yeah, that sounds great.” He followed the alpha over to the crates full of records he had beside his player, “How do you feel about the Beatles?”

“Now we’re talking, I’ll put something on.”

Harry grabbed the first Beatles Vinyl he saw and placed it on the player, moving the needle to rest against the line of the first song before pressing play. _I Saw Her Standing There_ filled the room.

“Do you want help with anything?”

“I don’t need any, but if you want to help I won’t be opposed.”

Harry put a record on the player at the farthest end of the room before he made his way to the kitchen and pulled out different pots and pans and got to work with the cooking. He sat himself on the barstool just beside where Harry was prepping some vegetables for their dinner, watching him with a smile on his face.

Harry worked a knife fast and effortlessly, and all Louis could do was watch him with all of his attention.

It wasn’t long before he was finished, humming under his breath as he dished out the food onto two separate plates. “Annnd, dinner is ready,” Harry said with a grin as he set a plate down in front of Louis and a second beside it, taking the seat right next to him.

“Thank you,” He said, smiling before he took a bite. “God, you’re a good cook, too? What _can’t_ you do?”

“Swim?”

“Oh boy, well, that was my dealbreaker, actually. Damn.” Harry laughed, rolling his eyes fondly. They talked through dinner, little snippets of easy conversation. But when they weren’t speaking, the silence didn’t feel heavy. Harry’s company felt like a soothing constant presence that he never wanted to stop having, no matter what.

Less than an hour later, they’d finished their dessert and Louis was helping the alpha clean up, washing the dishes and drying them before placing them back into the cabinet Harry told him to.

Harry came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and swaying the two of them in sync together to the beat of the music.

“Anything else?”

“I just have to put the rest of the food up, then I was thinking we could watch a film?”

“That sounds lovely.”

Harry pulled out a few sheets of saran wrap and set out each sheet on the counter, picking up the tub of the whipped cream first. “Oh, I think you have a little,” Harry said with a grin, trailing off before he smeared a line of whipped cream over his chin. He laughed, first, a dimple settling deep in his cheek as he looked over Louis. Louis laughed, grinning as he swiped it off with his thumb and licked it clean. 

“Oh, actually, you do, too,” He responded, taking half a handful of whipped cream and rubbing it down the side of Harry’s face. 

“Okay, alright, now it’s on!” The alpha took his half-eaten leftover slice of pie and dug his fingers into it, getting a small handful and rubbing it down Louis’ face and neck. The omega gasped, laughing as he grabbed his own piece and lightly pushed it against the side of Harry’s face. 

They were both laughing as they covered each other in cream and pie until they were covered in it, laughing the entire time. 

Before long, Harry was retreating to his room and getting them both fresh clothes to change into, but Louis’ heart was still pounding with the excitement, with the joy and happiness that being around Harry brought him. He’d always thought it was silly to think someone could fall so deeply in love so quickly, but he wasn’t ashamed of himself, in that moment. His heart felt full with the love he felt for Harry, and he knew he wanted to feel it every day for the rest of his life.

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist, pressing him back against the counter as he kissed him, gentle at first, a soft and sweet press of their lips as he held him in place. Louis felt breathless with it, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck.

“Would it be wrong to say that I’m kind of in love with you already?” Harry said as his eyes raked over Louis. Louis knew there was a certain kind of reaction that alphas always seemed to have when they saw an omega in their clothes, but Louis didn’t expect the reaction he would have, too. 

He felt entirely surrounded by Harry, felt held and cared for physically in a way no one else had ever given him. It was overwhelming in the best way, but all he could think about was getting Harry’s hands on him to ease the burn under his skin that craved for the alpha’s touch. 

“If it’s wrong then I don’t want to be right,” Louis said with a cheesy grin, “Because I think I’m kind of in love with you, too.”

He leaned back against the counter as he watched Harry wash the last of the dishes, just for a moment. All he could do was smile, visions of the future they could have together swirling through the back of his mind.

It was a warm Wednesday afternoon, the sun shining down from a cloudless sky when Harry picked him up from work. Louis had changed out of his uniform and shoved it into Niall’s bag to take home for him like he’d done so many times before and changed into something nicer to meet the alpha.

“Hi,” He said, letting Harry wrap him in a hug.

“Hi, love. I missed you.” A light blush creeped over his cheeks and he smiled, always amazed at how much power over his mood that Harry had. “So, I was thinking.”

“Oh, no,” Louis said, grinning. Harry laughed, squeezing Louis’ hand as they walked. Harry was the first alpha Louis had met that he could tease without him getting defensive, something that had only made him fall even more in love with him. There was something about Harry that felt safe, comfortable in a way he’d never felt with another alpha. The city had taught him quickly that he couldn’t trust everyone that he met, no matter how much his small town upbringing wanted him to believe that everyone he came across was kind hearted with good intentions.

Harry made him feel safe. Happy. Loved.

“Do you want to come meet some of my friends? I just want things to feel… reciprocal I guess? I’ve met your friends and been to your work but you haven’t been to mine.“ Louis smiled as he watched Harry ramble. Harry had told him a few times about his work, but mostly in passing. He wasn’t a big drinker, but the bar that he owned had been passed down from his father and it kept him comfortable.

“That sounds lovely. Did you want to go now, or another day?”

“It’s pretty close by if you wanted to go now. We can get some drinks… dance a little…”

“You just want to see me shake my arse, don’t you?” Louis asked, laughing.

“Your words, not mine!

The pub was only a few blocks away and the front face of it was quiet, unassuming in a way Louis hadn’t thought a club was supposed to be. It seemed more on the posh end than anything else, a white plaster for the walls and black wood lined windows. A sign hung above the door with red painting calligraphy that said _Rose and Dagger._

Harry unlocked the door and walked him inside with their hands still intertwined, flicking the light on with his free hand. A bartender stood behind the counter, cleaning out glasses and arranging them nicely on a shelf behind himself before he moved to turn down his music when he noticed the two of them.

“Afternoon, boss!” He said, a smile on his face.

“Hello, Zayn. This is Louis.

“Lovely to meet you.”

They didn’t say much else before Harry was leading him around the building for a tour.

“This place is beautiful, H.”

“Thank you. I did a bit of remodeling when it got handed off to me. It used to attract a bit rougher of a crowd but I wanted to cater to a more… gentlemanly audience, I suppose.” Louis nodded, looking around at the art placed around the walls and at the names of the drinks printed neatly on menus sat on the counter. 

Winter came with a bone chilling cold rain, followed by snow and cold wind that reminded Louis how much he hated the cold. Or maybe he didn’t hate the cold, but he’d gotten too used to the city way of complaining about the weather no matter what it was. He liked to blame Niall for that much.

Harry had started picking him up after work each day, dropping him off at school, and then picking him up again. It wasn’t something he ever would have asked for, but Harry had insisted. And during the winter months, Louis couldn’t find an excuse that sounded acceptable. The alpha said it didn’t bother him at all, either taking him home or just spending time with him, and it was a routine that he was falling into more comfortably then he ever thought he could with an alpha.

He was sat in the passenger’s side of Harry’s car, humming along to the low volume of the music as he tried to relax his tired bones from a long shift at work and an even longer day of exams at university. He felt himself almost falling asleep, the warmth of Harry’s big hand resting against his thigh keeping him grounded as he rested his head against the window of the car.

“Louis, baby,” Harry started, voice calm as he took his hand away and turned down the music. “Can you get down on the floor for me and keep your head as far down as you can? ”

“What?” He asked, sitting up to look at Harry.

Harry didn’t seem upset or angry in any way – he didn’t look any different from normal and all Louis felt was confusion. He looked at the alpha for a moment longer before he heard a loud _pop_ , echoing around them. His ears were ringing with it and he felt sick, nervous and like he was going to hurl.

Harry took a sharp left turn, sending him sliding against the door before he climbed down to the ground as instructed. Harry always drove with only one hand on the wheel, the other resting on the window, and as he moved to put both hands on the steering wheel Louis only got more nervous.

His heart was hammering in his chest, mouth suddenly dry and heart beating hard and fast in his fingertips. He looked up at Harry from the ground, watched the way his mouth curved down into a concentrated frown as he kept taking turns and speeding down the road.

Another shot.

Then another.

Then there was silence.

Harry kept driving, then, but he slowed down enough that Louis felt like he could breathe again. He felt like he might throw up and an ache was forming behind his eyes, but he didn’t feel like he was going to die.

“You can sit back up, now.” He swallowed hard before climbing back up to the seat and putting his seatbelt back around his body with shaking hands. He wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, or maybe he was, but either way it hadn’t set in fully. All he could fully focus on was the pounding in his chest.

“What – what exactly just happened? Why were those people _shooting_ at us?” His voice sounded panicked, almost frantic in a way he didn’t recognize.

Harry exhaled softly before he pulled the car into a parking spot, parallel parking it between two other cars with an ease Louis had never seen anyone have before he met Harry. “I guess I have something I should explain to you.”

“Yes, I think so, too.”

“Can I take you somewhere safe to explain?” Harry still didn’t sound panicked, or even afraid, and Louis wasn’t sure how to handle that. He knew he wasn’t over reacting and he knew that whatever was happening wasn’t something that he would like, but he needed to know. A part of him knew he could walk out and Harry wouldn’t chase him if he asked him not to, but he didn’t want to.

A part of Louis thought he should say no, thought he should demand answers before they left the car, but another part of him wanted to see where Harry was going to take this. His heart rate slowly calmed down as the feeling in his fingers came back, anxiety slowly coming down.

“Your flat?”

“No. The club. If that’s alright.”

“Yeah. Yes, alright.”

It was quiet between them as Harry drove down roads that had slowly become familiar over the months they’d been together.

Harry unlocked the door and took his jacket off, hanging it on the hook before taking Louis’ jacket and doing the same.

A part of Louis knew that he was dragging it out, but somehow he didn’t mind.

“Do you want me to just out with it, or should I be diplomatic?”

“I guess out with it is probably the best approach?” Louis said, biting his lip.

“Right,” Harry sighed, taking a tea kettle and filling it with water before he set it over a flame on the stove. He still didn’t sound nervous, and something about that Louis was grateful for. Harry grounded him, kept him calm through all of it, even if he knew that didn’t make any sense. “Does the name Styles mean anything to you?” Louis frowned, eyebrows knitting down as he wrapped his arms around himself.

“Well, yes. I think it means something to everyone – it’s all over the newspaper all the time.”

“Right. Well. I’m Harry Styles.”

Louis blinked once, then twice, the information settling in.

He thought, for a moment, that he should have been shocked, that something so massive and world-changing should shock him. He wanted to feel something other than just the typical content that he felt when he was around Harry, but he didn’t. All he felt was the same comforted calm that the alpha always made him feel.

Really, he couldn’t say he was surprised.

He fit the picture perfectly, fit the idea that Louis would have had of someone like that in his head to the exact marks.

“Oh,” He said instead of a thoughtful response.

“I understand if you don’t want to be here,” Harry started, shifting the mug on the table just slightly, keeping his hands occupied. “Everyone here is affiliated with me, in one way or another.”

“Harry,” Louis tried, but the alpha kept talking. 

“I mean really that’s for the best, though. It’s real dangerous around these parts and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“No, it’s not -”

“I don’t mind if you leave, either. I’ll be sad of course but I understand.” 

A part of him thought he was being stupid, that he was being ridiculous for sticking around after everything he’d heard on the news, after everything he’d read in the papers and in books about the Styles family. He knew how dangerous they were and what they did, but a part of him wanted nothing more than to stay. Harry was home, no matter what that entailed.

“Harry, shut _up,”_ Louis said just a little too loudly, ignoring the turning of heads and the sideways glances in his direction. No one told a Styles to shut up - especially not an outsider, someone who had special permission to be where Louis found himself. 

Harry didn’t flinch, instead he just quirked an eyebrow and stopped talking. 

“I’m not going to leave you unless you don’t want me here anymore,” He started, standing and walking over to the alpha, situating himself on his lap, facing him. “Stop telling me what’s best for me like I can’t make my own choices.” 

He paused for a moment, like he was taking the words in as Louis said them. After a moment, he nodded. “You’re sure?”

Louis just smiled as he wrapped his arms around the alpha’s neck and brought him in for a gentle kiss. “I’m honestly more upset you had me convinced I was going to have to take the last name Cox. Styles is much cooler, anyhow.” Harry grinned at that, a soft and sad smile on his face that Louis had never seen before, “Now wine and dine me like you promised, and _maybe_ you can take me home afterward.” 

Louis wasn’t usually so forward, but Harry brought out a side of him that he’d never seen before. A side of him that wasn’t the timid omega from the countryside where old alphas said his place was to be seen, not heard. A side of him that wanted to be seen and wanted to be cherished all the same. A side of him that could accept the fact that the two weren’t mutually exclusive. 

“I love you,” Harry said first, quiet enough that it was just between the two of them.

“I love you. Can I have a kiss?”

“Since you asked so nicely.” Harry pressed his lips against his softly, the space between them closed all at once and Louis felt the same happiness he always did when Harry was around. He wasn’t sure what this was going to mean for the two of them or for their future, but in that moment he was content, happy, and so, so in love. 


	2. Two.

NOW - 1969

“Go with you?” Louis asked, his voice too high pitched for his own liking. “Why would I - you can’t just show up here and demand things, Harry!” 

Maybe he could, but Louis had always liked to pretend he had the upper hand when it came to Harry. 

There’d been a time in his life where he wouldn’t have bothered fighting Harry on anything he wanted, would have opened the door and dropped to his knees for him if he so much as asked. There’d been a time in his life where he was so tangled up in Harry’s life that he could barely pull apart the pieces that were only his and the pieces that belonged to Harry. 

But he wasn’t that person anymore. 

Neither of them were the same people they were six years ago. He let himself hold on to that idea, knowing that this wasn’t the same Harry he’d fallen in love with as a teenager and he wasn’t the same Louis that Harry knew, either. 

“Okay, then will you please come with me?” Louis huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

But, Harry looked the same as he remembered him, had the same faint scar across his cheekbone from the dog that had bitten him when he was a child, the same marred patch of skin on his elbow from falling into a bonfire pit as a teenager. His hair was shorter, cut to just sit atop his head rather than rest at his shoulders, but other than that - he was the same. 

Louis knew he didn’t look much the same as he did all those years ago. He’d gained weight around his hips and stomach, the little bits that had never quite gone back to normal after he’d given birth. He wore glasses, then, when he never had before. He’d donated all of his clothes that he used to wear to a local thrift store and never looked back. Where he used to be rough, rugged, a man of the streets, he was softer, more feminine and gentle in a way he’d never thought he would have been. 

“No, I will not go with you. What are you even on about? Where has all of this come from?”

His eyes glanced over to Liam and the kid standing beside him who he didn’t recognize, eyebrows furrowed in some kind of anger. Liam didn’t have his hand near his gun, but he knew him well enough to know how fast he was, how dangerous he was when he wanted to be. It didn’t make him nervous in the way he thought it should, but rather it just annoyed him. 

Maybe he wasn’t as different as he thought he was. 

He wasn’t sure why Harry had brought guards to visit him at his flat - but it was uncomfortable. 

Harry put out his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe and tucked the remaining half back into the pack, then shoved it into his back pocket. He smelled like alpha - like earth and pine and cigarette smoke - in the same way that Louis had fallen in love with him all those years ago. It almost made his head spin when Harry took a step closer, the memories from their time together rushing back too much all at once. 

There were times when Louis was so sure that he’d changed completely, that he’d left every trace of that life behind without so much as a thought. But it was too easy to remember how much he loved Harry, how much he loved being loved by Harry. He knew he could fall in love with him all over again if he let himself, and that was dangerous. It wasn’t the life he could afford to have for himself, and it certainly wasn’t the life he could afford to have for Elizabeth, anymore. 

“Mummy?” Elizabeth asked from behind him and he felt her wrap her arms around his legs to hide behind him, the same way she always did when there were strangers around. 

“Hi baby, it’s alright.” Normally he’d chastise her for coming up to the door when someone she didn’t recognize was standing on the other side, but in that moment the protectiveness he felt over her wasn’t because of Harry. “Can you go back inside? I’ll be back inside in just a second.” 

She scurried off, then, tiny feet thudding against the wooden floors of the flat almost in rhythm with Louis’ racing heart. 

A part of him thought it would be worse if Harry ever found out about her. He thought it would be world-altering and make him feel like everything was over. But at that moment, he didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. All he wanted was for her to be away from the guns and the violence and the threats she wouldn’t understand until she was much older. 

But, Harry was still just Harry. 

Louis still trusted him with his life, still loved him with his entire heart, still knew he was the kindest soul he’d ever crossed paths with. Those things didn’t change from just a few years apart. 

The way Harry took a shaky inhale and stared with the same wide, green eyes that Lizzie had, was all Louis needed to hear to know that the alpha knew she was his. “Louis I -” He cut himself off, then, eyes darting back and forth from her where she stood just barely in sight in the living room back to Louis. 

Louis wasn’t entirely sure what to say in that moment, so all he could do was take a step back and open the door just a little wider to let Harry inside. “Come inside, then.” He paused. “Just you, though. Please.”

Harry seemed stuck in place just for a second, but then he was walking inside. Louis did the locks up on the door and led him over to the kitchen, little beats of nerves pulsing through him as he walked. Elizabeth stayed walking with him, glued to his side as she looked curiously at the new man in their home, safely behind Louis’ thighs. He wasn’t sure if she thought he couldn’t see her from behind him, but either way, the first skill he’d mastered as a mum to a toddler was walking over her as well as anything on the floor. 

“Elizabeth baby, this is Harry. Say ‘hi’,” He said, looking down at her. 

“Hi,” She said softly, head peeking out from behind his legs. 

“Hi,” Harry said back, waving weakly. Louis wasn’t entirely sure how he was supposed to navigate this, how he was supposed to explain to Harry that he not only had his child, but that he’d had her for five years without telling him. His name was on the birth certificate, but it was under his maiden name. Just an extra cautionary step to separate the two of them from the life Harry lived. 

“Can I go play, mummy?” She asked, voice still low and shy. She was as introverted as they came, always too scared to see new people and interact with them much more than she had to before she had time to collect herself in her room alone, and then she’d come out more than ready to have a talk. 

“Of course. Just yell if you need anything.” 

She ran off back to her room, closing the door halfway just after she turned the light on. He watched her for a moment, leaning back against the counter with a smile on his face before he turned back to Harry.

“Would you like some coffee? Or tea?” 

“Um,” He said, clearing his throat. He still seemed slightly dazed with meeting Lizzie, but Louis couldn’t hold that against him. He could only imagine how the alpha was feeling. “Just whatever’s easiest for you.” Louis nodded and poured both of them a cup of coffee that sat, still warm, in the pot on the counter. He poured in milk - not cream - and dropped in one cube of sugar, the same way that Harry had always taken his coffee and set the cup down in front of him. 

The alpha looked at him for a moment, a look on his face Louis couldn’t read before he took a drink and set the cup back down in front of him. 

“Can I take your coat?” He asked, playing with a loose hem on his shirt with his hands, an anxious habit. 

“No, that’s alright.” 

“Alright. Um. Are you hungry?” 

“No. Louis, stop fussing over me, I’m just fine I promise.” Those words made Louis feel as though he couldn’t breathe, for a moment. Those same words he’d heard from Harry before, even if they’d been in a different context. 

They’d been in what felt like a different life, now. 

“Alright,” he said softly, taking a seat at the table just across from Harry. 

The air felt stunted, hard to breathe, thick and uneasy around them, but Harry’s scent was calming. The familiar smell of the forest and earth that always managed to bring him down when he felt too high strung and wired to be able to think straight. 

“She’s mine?” Harry finally asked after a beat too long, the silence only easy between them because of the music that still floated from the living room. Tom Jones, a guilty pleasure he’d had since he was a kid. It was the last track on the record and before long they’d be left in silence unless Louis wanted to make the awkward pause to flip and restart the album. 

“I think I’d like to explain. But I’d like to know why you showed up unannounced, first. With guns out, nonetheless.” 

It was quiet again between them as Harry looked at him, and up close he could see the subtle differences in Harry’s face. His nose was crooked like it had been broken and there was a new, barely-there scar along his cheekbone. He’d lost weight, the muscles on his arms not as big as they’d been when he saw him last, and his hair was taken care of, neatly clipped rather than thrown into a bun or hanging on his shoulders. 

For a moment, he thought they were both different people, meeting for the same time as them, rather than reuniting as who they used to be. 

“I just. You both need to just leave with me, okay? I can explain later.” 

“I can’t just leave, Harry. I have a life here. I’ve worked my ass off to build this life for myself and I’m not just going to abandon it without a damn good reason.” 

“Someone found out where you live. I think they’re going to try to hurt you,” Harry said, voice quiet but sure. Louis knew that tone, knew it was the way he delivered news he didn’t want to tell, knew it was how he spoke when he was separating himself from saying something he needed to say but didn’t want to and the way he would speak when he was serious and happy.

Louis’ eyes widened slightly with shock as his breath caught in his throat. 

He’d never lost the fear of that, even years later. Harry was a hated man among many, and the crowd he ran against rarely fought fair. His windows were double paned and locked at all times, his door was always locked with a deadbolt and a chain lock, all extra security that he knew he wanted but never thought he’d need. 

Even if he knew they weren’t foolproof ways to keep someone away from him, they were safety blankets, precautions that he felt necessary to take. Harry had taught him that, and it was one of the things that had stuck. 

“Why? It’s been more than five years. I thought… I thought all of that was behind me.” Harry paused, then, like he had something else to say, and his gaze trailed down as Louis wrapped his hands around the coffee mug in front of him. 

“Oh. You kept it,” Harry said, eyes trailing to the wedding band on Louis’ finger. He hadn’t taken it off since the day that Harry gave it to him, the promise that they would get married still imprinted in his heart. He’d never fallen out of love with Harry; that was one truth he knew he could never fully run away from. 

He’d never fallen out of love with the fast, high paced life that he led, or the excitement that came with it. But he’d fallen more in love with his girl, with the only thing in the world he loved more than himself or Harry or anything he could ever own or do. 

“I um, yeah. I never met anyone else. Never wanted to. ‘S easier that way.” Harry nodded, the smallest traces of a frown on his face. 

“Come with me. Please. I want to keep you safe. I want to keep both of you safe.”

Louis felt his heart get heavy in his chest. 

Of all the ways he saw his life playing out, he never thought Harry would find him again. Even in the nights where he was so lonely it ached, where he wanted to feel loved again, worth something again, he never thought he would find his way back to Harry. He’d handled a pregnancy on his own, handled birth and postpartum all on his own. He’d found a strength inside of himself he didn’t know he had, all alone. 

“If I say no, if I stay,” He started, ignoring the frown that formed on Harry’s face as he spoke, “You have a genuine reason to think that someone will hurt me or Elizabeth?” 

Harry nodded. 

“Okay. Alright.” Louis let out a deep breath, trying to wrap his mind around everything. Harry had every right to be in Elizabeth’s life. He would be an incredible father and that was something Louis had always known; but, he’d run because of exactly what was happening. He never wanted Elizabeth to be exposed to any of this, never wanted her to have to experience the life that her father lived. 

“So, you’ll come?”

“Can I pack some things first?”

“Of course.”

He stood, then, but he didn’t feel how he thought he would, how he thought he should. A part of him thought he should feel nervous, uncomfortable, upset at having to uproot his entire life on such a whim. 

Harry wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for a good reason. After nearly six years, he had no other reason to be. Louis had no reason not to trust him, not to believe that he only had good intentions. Harry himself wasn’t the source of his anxiety; even Liam and unknown-man-number-two weren’t the cause of it. 

He couldn’t really pinpoint the exact reason why he felt sick at the idea of having to go with him. 

His life wasn’t his idea of ideal. When he’d moved to the city, he’d had big dreams and a heart the same size. 

The walk to his room, for what seemed to be the last time, felt longer than he remembered it. His flat was small, even if it was the biggest he could afford on a single income with two bedrooms, but he’d created a home out of it. Home had changed for him over the years, morphed and molded into less of a physical place and more of the feelings that he associated with it. 

The flat had memories of its own that he’d have to let go of when he walked out of the door and that thought made his heart ache in his chest. 

Years ago, he’d told Harry he needed to be trusted to make his own decisions but in that moment he felt like he needed to be told what to do. He took a deep breath as he opened the door quietly. 

He pulled out all of his favorite blouses and trousers, some of them clothes that he’d worn when he was still at Harry’s side and some of them newer, less worn and used. He wasn’t sure how long he was going to be gone, so he just piled clothes into his hands. He trusted Harry to take care of the two of them, if that’s what it came to, if they weren’t able to return to get anything else. 

He held his own things to his chest before he made his way to the door just next to his own, pushing it open gently. 

Lizzie was playing with her toys on the ground, dress sprawled out around her legs and her hair pulled into a sideways and poorly parted ponytail that she’d clearly done herself. 

“Hi baby. Do you wanna help me?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay. Can you bring me all of your favorite clothes?” She nodded and went to her wardrobe, then, pulling clothes out that she wore the most often. He watched her with a soft smile as he pulled a bag from the highest shelf in her closet that he’d stored in there shortly after he moved in. 

Before long, he heard a knock on the door from Lizzie’s room and walked slowly to the hallway. 

Harry had his gun out when he looked through the peephole, a scowl on his face. 

“Mummy?” Lizzie’s voice said from her room. 

“Stay in there please, baby. Don’t come out, alright?” He walked to Harry and put a hand on his shoulder to gently nudge him away before he looked through the hole. Niall stood on the other side, a dish in his hand and a bag slung over his shoulder. “It’s alright. It’s my best mate Niall. Put that away before Elizabeth sees it.” 

Harry exhaled, then, but he tucked the gun into his pants without another word as Louis opened the door. 

“Niall. Hi,” He said, smiling softly. 

“I brought - Harry?” Niall said as he walked inside, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Niall, I’m gonna be leaving for a bit. I’m sorry, I should have called.” 

“With him?” 

“Yes, with him. I know. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” 

He looked as shocked as Louis felt in that moment, and Louis understood. He’d spent months crying to Niall when he was pregnant and months after he’d given birth about how hard it was to be alone. He’d always been his biggest supporter, through everything, no matter when Louis needed him, but in that moment he couldn’t be here for Niall. Even if Niall didn’t need him in the same way that Louis had needed him in the past, he felt bad for leaving him behind. 

He’d never told Niall everything about the life he’d left behind when he left Harry, but a part of him had a feeling that Niall was smart enough to put the loose ends together. 

“You’ll take care of yourself? Of Lizzie?” He asked first, worry clear in his eyes. 

“Of course.” 

“Alright. Okay. Alright,” He repeated. “Call me when you can.” 

“I will, Ni. Promise.” 

His friend nodded, then, and he was gone a moment later. Louis felt guilt crawling up the back of his throat, but the idea of being in danger - of his family being in danger - was the only thing that kept him going. 

It was quiet as Louis started back towards the room to finish packing, but Harry stopped him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t recognize him.”

“It’s alright. I appreciate that you’re trying to protect us,” He said, trying to smile through the discomfort in the back of his throat. He’d never be able to come back to the home he’d built here, not after he lost all of his books clients and any trust that anyone had in him to meet deadlines. 

But none of that was as important as staying safe, as providing a life for his girl. 

“I don’t want Lizzie to see any of that. I don’t - she isn’t supposed to see any of this. None of the violence. She’s too gentle, too young to have to see any of it. We’re going to go with you, but you need to promise me that you’ll do everything you can to keep her away from that, alright?”

“I know. I promise.” 

Harry always sounded so sure of himself, confident in a way Louis could never dream to be, but it was something he’d always admired. He was a man of his word, never a liar or a thief and that was one thing that Louis could be certain of. 

If Harry promised that he’d do his best to shield Elizabeth from the scary parts of life, then he would. 

“Thank you,” He said after a moment of just looking him over, of trying to find a reason not to believe him. 

He pressed the last of the clothes into the bag and zipped it up with a shaky exhale. “Okay baby. You can bring your two favorite toys, alright? We’re not going to be home for a little bit so make sure you pick your favorites.” 

She lit up almost immediately, running to her toy chest and picking out a stuffed rabbit with a button sewn over one of the eyes that had fallen out and a wooden block with wheels on the edge that she called a truck. 

He just nodded as she held them close to her chest before he got down on her knees to be closer to her height, taking one of her hands into his. “Okay baby, we’re gonna be going with Harry for a bit. He’s real nice, alright? I’ve known him for a really long time and I promise you don’t have to be scared of him or shy around him, okay?”

She paused for a moment like she was thinking about something, and then she smiled. “Do you think he likes football too?” Louis laughed a bit, smiling as he felt the threat of tears at the waterline of his eyes. He wasn’t sure why he felt the urge to cry all of a sudden, but he sniffled just slightly, emotions just shy of overwhelming as he blinked back the tears. 

“Why don’t you ask him later?”

“Okay!” He stood up and followed him to the living room where Harry stood, looking at some of the photos that Louis had hung up of himself and Lizzie. 

It felt like a clashing of two worlds he never thought would meet. He’d separated himself so much from the person he used to be that he wasn’t sure he could ever get back into touch with that version of himself. He felt so far removed from all of it that he almost felt hollow when he let himself think back on those days. 

Harry was always the feeling of warmth in those memories, and seeing him in front of him all over again, real and tangible, felt like he could breathe life back into memories that felt backward, distorted like they were reflected in a pool of water. 

“Got everything?” Harry asked without turning away from a photo. Instead he reached up and pulled it off of the wall, holding it in his hand. Louis bit his lip as he felt another wave of heaviness collect in his chest.

Guilt, he thought. Regret, maybe. 

“Yes,” He said, the only word he could force out of his mouth. 

Before, when life with Harry had been natural, Louis had been able to read the alpha like a book. Every movement and twitch of his face, every subtle down or upturn of his lips, his body language, it all felt like the most clear message he could read. He’d known every piece of Harry that he could, back then, and it made the two of them powerful in ways he could never put into words. 

But in that moment, he couldn’t even put a trace on what the alpha was feeling. He had ideas – something like anger or regret on missing out on Elizabeth’s life – but he couldn’t be certain. It only made it more clear how different the two of them were after their years apart. 

A part of Louis wanted to get to know Harry all over again, wanted to meet him for the first time as the him that he’d become in their time apart. The other part of him wanted to go back to how things were. 

But there wasn’t a single part of him in that moment that wanted to turn him away and never see him again. His heart felt heavy with how much he missed him, with how much he wanted to have all of that all over again. 

Even if all of this was his fault. He’d been the one that walked out and ended it all and he didn’t regret it. He knew it was what needed to be done; yet he almost wished Harry could see that part of him, understand what he’d been feeling in those moments between being a lover and a stranger all those years ago. 

“Alright. Can I take that?” Harry asked, pulling Louis from his thoughts. He nodded and handed the bag over to the alpha who slung it over his shoulders with a practiced ease. He felt a lump at the back of his throat as he walked, Lizzie at his side, behind Harry, the photo frame in his hand clutched between white knuckles. 

He tried not to let himself think about it, tried not to let himself get hung up on it, but Harry had that power over him in a way no one else ever had. Harry got deep inside of his head and made him swoon under his gaze and he loved it – or at least there’d been a time that he had loved it. He wasn’t so sure if he did, anymore. Not with the weight of the guilt in his chest. 

The car parked at the front of his flat wasn’t one he recognized, but it was similar enough. It was black instead of the bright red that they used to roam the town in, but the interior was the same light leather. 

Harry opened the door for Louis with a half-smile on his face, closing it behind him once he was in before repeating the same for Lizzie in the backseat. He said something to her quietly that Louis didn’t catch in his moment of not paying attention, but he didn’t feel the same need to be on high alert, in that moment. 

Harry got into the driver’s seat and gave a glance over his shoulder before he was speeding out of the parking lot. All Louis could do was look at the receding building that he’d called home for years and years in the side mirror as it faded into the distance. 

Sitting in the front seat of Harry’s car, Louis felt the memories of the past sitting heavy on his shoulders. 

He remembered how Harry would look at him from across the bar, smoke clouded all around them, as he ordered their drinks. How they would tumble back to Harry’s flat together and roll into bed, naked bodies pressed together as close as they could be because there were nights where close could never be close enough. 

He remembered how he’d laugh at every single one of his jokes, no matter how bad, because even if the joke wasn’t the best, the smile and the honk of ugly laughter that Harry always gave made his heart feel heavy with fondness. 

He remembered how Harry never failed to dress up for their dates and how he wasted the best years of his life at the side of the love of his life in rushes of adrenaline and nights full of booze and early nights. 

But the worst of it all, he thought, is that he’d do it all again without so much as a shred of hesitation, given the chance. Presented with the opportunity to go back and live that same life, to take his place back at Harry’s side and back in Harry’s bed, he’d take it in a heartbeat. 

He and Harry were situated somewhere on the timeline of the universe, tiny, insignificant little markings placed on the cosmic scale of things. The man that stepped on the moon overshadowed their meaning in a moment, with a single footstep. Each fire of a gun that ended in death overlapped their markings without thought. 

Yet, the way he felt overwhelmed with the past, with their history, made it feel bigger than it was. 

And maybe it was. 

  
  
  


They didn’t speak as the drive dragged on. 

It wasn’t a comfortable silence, but it wasn’t painful, either. Harry held the steering wheel with one hand, the other arm resting on the ledge of the open window. They were on the same motorway that they’d been on for over an hour, driving past cars that went too slow as they weaved through traffic. 

They’d been driving for hours without stopping, Louis realized when he looked at the clock. In the sky behind them the sun was nearly finished setting over the horizon, lighting the sky up in darkened shades of orange as the tip of the sun fell behind the hills. 

Louis tried to think of happy times, of the past when things had been alright, when they’d scream the lyrics to an eight track shoved hastily in the player, picked at random. But instead he was surrounded by silence and the suffocated familiarity of Harry’s scent. 

“You said you’d explain,” Harry finally said after the sun had set. 

Maybe it felt easier to be so open when the sun was down, when it felt like they could be alone and unexposed. His eyes were trained on the road in front of him, still, and Louis looked into the rear view to see the same car that had been following them with Liam driving still just a few meters behind. He meant to ask who it was that was with him, but he knew the answer would just be someone who’d joined after Louis left. 

Harry’s business was a constant evolution, an ever-changing society that somehow still stayed the same no matter how long it had been. Louis knew if he were to jump right back in he’d be able to pick up right back where he’d started, even if the faces around him were different and the feuds had evolved to different families and enemies with the same never ending goal of being the most feared name on the street. 

“I did, and I will,” He started, sighing. “Is this really a conversation you want to have when you’re driving?” 

Harry didn’t acknowledge his question, but his lips turned down just slightly in a frown, illuminated by the glow of the buttons on the radio and the streetlights overhead as they passed in rapid succession. Lizzie was passed out in the back seat, head resting against the window of the door, mouth hung slightly open with little puffs of air pushing past her lips.

She looked the most like Harry when she slept.

Their facial features were undeniably the same and that was something he’d known since the moment he had her. Almost every piece of her could be, somehow, traced back to Harry and he could see how much that hurt the alpha when he saw her; and he understood. He did. The guilt for keeping her from him for her toddler years was there, heavy in his chest, but the guilt for leaving didn’t come and he knew it wouldn’t. 

He’d done what he thought he had to do in the moment to survive. 

“I’ve come to terms with it, over the years. It’s been a long time since I accepted that you left. I promised you I’d never hold that against you. But I never quite understood why, and now I understand even less than I thought I did.” 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You’re smarter than that, Louis. You knew you were hurting me when you left without a damn word.” 

Harry’s voice was collected, calm without a hint of aggression hidden in it – and that was what made it scary. It was the voice he’d heard him use dozens of times with people right before he had them killed, the calm before a storm. Louis had never been on the other side of that storm and, for the first time, he felt a flare of fear of the other man. 

“I wasn’t thinking about you, or about me. I found out I was pregnant and left that day. You’re smarter than to think you lead a life fit for a baby, Harry.” 

Harry pulled the car off through an exit off the motorway without responding and Louis looked out the window again. 

“Love’s a funny thing, I guess,” Harry said, leaning up against the side of his car as the gas rushed through the tubes with a hiss. He pulled a long drag off of the half-finished cigarette from earlier, blowing the smoke up into the night time air. 

He looked younger under the glow of the night-time gas station lights. The flaws carved into his skin and the worry lines that burrowed at the center of his forehead faded away in the dimness of the lighting, but Louis had long since catalogued every mark on Harry’s body, had it all memorized like the finest painting he’d ever seen. 

“What makes you say that?” Louis said, heart beating too fast in his chest. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, but he felt compelled to ask all the same. 

“How it can just fade away, like it was never even there.” 

“Is that really what you think happened?” Harry looked at him, but Louis didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t know how to explain what he’d been feeling when he was nineteen and terrified of losing Harry but somehow even more scared of losing his baby. “You think I just fell out of love with you and just walked away?” 

“That was my impression, yeah.” 

“You’re still just as stupid as I remember you being, sometimes. You know that?” Harry looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. “Do you want to know exactly what I was feeling that day when I left?” 

“No,” He started, “Yes. I don’t know.”

“I was fucking terrified, Harry. Do you remember that night like I do? How you’d come home with five of your men, of our friends, dead in a shootout over – over, fuck, I don’t even remember what it was over, because it wasn’t important. I spent that night sobbing over the toilet, throwing up, with eight positive pregnancy tests sat on the counter while I waited for you to come home. 

“And then you crawled back inside with blood all over your clothes and a bullet scrape across your side and I realized in that moment that I couldn’t bring a child to that. I couldn’t bring a child into the life of worrying if their daddy was gonna come home at night or if we were gonna have to bury him in a god damned closed casket because your momma wouldn’t want to see you with holes in your head.” 

Harry’s eyes widened at that and he frowned again. 

“And I wasn’t selfish enough to ask you to stop, because I know this life is what you love. You told me before that I could leave, but this was how it was going to be with us. That first night that I found out about everything; you remember that? When you were trying your hardest to get me to go.” He paused for a moment and tried to read Harry’s face, but he couldn’t. “I left because I knew you’d feel some kind of pressure if I told you why I was leaving and I didn’t want that for you. I still loved you when I walked out and I still loved you when Liz was born and…” He trailed off, heart beating too fast. 

“And what?” Harry asked, taking a step closer. 

“And I… still do. I’ll always love you. Even if we’re worlds apart. I told you you were it for me when I was eighteen and I wasn’t lying to you.” The gas stopped pumping with a click, leaving the only sounds between them the sounds of their breathing. Louis felt the rush of blood behind his ears and the tips of his fingers had gone numb with adrenaline. Tears gathered at the waterlines of his eyes and he felt sick, but lighter as he stopped holding on to the last secret that made him ache. 

***

THEN - 1964

Louis graduated from university in June, but he didn’t make a spectacle of it.

Harry took him to dinner and bought him a new robe, but that was all he needed. He sent a letter to his stepdad, telling him everything was going well and that life was as good as it could get, but he didn’t expect a response. He didn’t want one.

He had everything he needed.

Weeks went on and he and Harry spent a lot more time at the pub, which he pretty quickly found out was just the front for everything that he and his _group_ did. He didn’t ask for details and he didn’t ask where Harry was going when he went out, but every time he left he kissed him just the same.

“You love him?” Liam asked one day when Louis was sat in the back office – Harry’s office – alone. They didn’t talk much, just pleasantries, usually. But he was nice enough that Louis didn’t mind the question. He knew some of the others that hung around avoided him out of fear of saying the wrong thing and in turn making Harry mad, but Louis tried his best to be social.

“I do, yeah.”

“I’m happy for the two of you. You both look real happy, and it’s been nice to see Harry this happy for so long.”

“Have you been around all of this long, then?”

“I got involved when I was a teenager. But I’ve been with Harry for about four years.” The familiar sound of Harry’s boots against the hardwood of the floor grabbed Liam’s attention, making his head turn. “Anyway, I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah. Yeah. See you.” It was the first time that Louis felt accepted by anyone that wasn’t Harry without having to force it, and it brought a soft smile to his face.

“What’s got you all happy?”

“Liam seems nice. It feels nice to finally feel like people don’t think I’m an outsider, I guess.”

“No one’s ever just walked in here by my side. I’m sure it’ll just take some time for everyone to get used to it.”

“Yeah. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” Harry kissed him again, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him into a tight hug.

“Can I show you something?”

Louis nodded, letting Harry take his hand and lead him to his second room, the bigger one on the second story of the building, just above the pub. He unlocked the door and led him inside.

“I’ve wanted to give this to you for some time now,” Harry said, taking a box from the side drawer just beside his bed. “I guess I was waiting to tell you who I really am, because I wasn’t expecting you to stick around even if a part of me was hopeful you would.”

“What is it?”

Harry didn’t respond, but instead he pulled out a ring. It was a simple, silver band but it still made tears spring to Louis’ eyes at the sight of it. “A promise ring. I want to promise myself to you, and promise that I will marry you one day.”

“You mean that?”

“I do. I want you today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of my life, if you’ll have me.”

He took the ring with shaky hands, turning it between his fingers to see the engraving inside. It was their initials, etched into the precious silver, and it was beautiful, everything Louis had ever wanted and more.

“Make love to me. Marry me later, take me to bed, now.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis said on an exhale, nervous hands moving to unbutton Harry’s shirt. The alpha looked at him, lips parted, like he was the most beautiful thing on the planet, his gaze intense in the way that it had always been, but it made Louis’ knees feel weak. He tried to be quick with it, undoing all six of the buttons down Harry’s chest before the alpha slipped the material off of his shoulders.

“May I?” He asked, fingers toying at the bottom hem of Louis’ jumper. He nodded, lifting his arms as the material was pulled away.

And then Harry was kissing him.

It was so familiar, but different all the same as Harry’s hands moved down his bare sides to undo the button of his trousers. Harry’s hands were gentle and rough all the same, with kisses that felt like fire and love that made Louis burn throughout his entire body. He felt slick between his thighs and a mixture of his and Harry’s scent filled the room, making him dizzy with lust.

His trousers pooled around his ankles before he kicked them away and the kiss was broken. He stood there, breathless already as Harry opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle. Harry poured oil over his fingers and it filled the space between them with the scent of lavender, making a smile spread across Louis’ face. “Lavender?”

Harry hummed his agreement before he was bringing his oil slick fingers to Louis’ face, rubbing gentle circles around the skin just behind his jaw. “It reminds me of how you smell,” Harry said after a moment and Louis bit his lip, heat rushing to his cheeks all over again. They were stood so close together that their chests were nearly touching, Louis’ head just slightly tilted back to look up at the alpha in front of him.

He was nervous, worried he wouldn’t be enough for his alpha, that he wouldn’t be exactly what he wanted, but he trusted Harry. Trusted him more than any other alpha he’d ever met. “Relax, my love. I wanna touch you a bit, if that’s alright?” Louis looked at him with wide eyes for a moment, but he nodded. He trusted Harry with everything he had inside himself, trusted the alpha to know that he was his first time and to be gentle with him.

“Yeah, okay. I love you.”

“I love you,” He said in return, pressing a kiss in the same place his fingers had been rubbing circles, making Louis’ head tilt back, his neck fully exposed, barred for Harry in the most intimate way.

“You’re so beautiful,” Harry said softly, trailing kisses down the column of his neck as he moved himself to stand behind Louis, his chest pressed against his back. Louis could feel how hard he was against him, the material of each of their pants the only thing separating them.

Louis leaned back against Harry, his hand reaching out to hold the alpha’s hip as his eyes fell shut, breath coming out in a shaky exhale. The alpha’s hands trailed down his neck, thumb pressing against his bond spot and Louis panted out a moan at the touch, knees weak.

“You’re teasing me,” He said, voice quiet, even if it was obvious.

“Do you like it?” He could feel the slick on his thighs and his cock was hard in his pants, but the impatient part of him wanted to say no just so Harry would fuck him. The other part of him wanted to be good for his alpha, wanted to let him draw it out as long as he saw fit. So all he could do was nod. “I thought so. You’re being so good for me, my love. I can’t wait to see you fall apart.”

He punctuated his sentence with his pointer fingers rubbing over his nipples and a kiss to the junction between his neck and shoulder. He bit down softly, teeth just barely scraping against the spot he would bond him one day and Louis went completely pliant against him, whimpering softly.

Harry hooked his fingers in the band of Louis’ pants and slipped the material down his thighs, wrapping a hand around his leaking cock with loosely fisted movements.

“Lay down for me, love.”

Louis’ brain felt clouded with how turned on he was, with the feeling of how hard he was and how much he wanted to touch Harry. With how much he wanted to have Harry’s hands all over him. His knees felt weak as he moved, laying himself down on his back as he looked up at his alpha, breath coming out in short pants.

Falling into bed with Harry felt a lot like pieces clicking together. 

His hands were just as gentle when he spread his thighs, settling him so one foot was flat against the bed and the other leg with his knee against his chest. He felt flushed with arousal, hot everywhere and the mixture of both of their turned on scents making his head spin.

He didn’t notice when Harry stripped off his own underwear, but when he looked back at him he was stroking a hand over his own length in slow strokes as his eyes raked over Louis. Then he was closer, leaning between Louis spread legs and pressing kisses along his knees, his thighs, his hips.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked softly, a gentle smile on his face even if his pupils were blown wide with lust.

“More than.”

Harry wrapped his lips around the head of Louis’ cock and he cried out, legs jerking but hips held in place from Harry’s hand on his hip, grounding him, keeping him in place.

Then Harry pressed a long finger inside of him, scented oils long forgotten with how slick he was.

“You’re so wet for me, baby.” Louis’ face burned at that, but his cock twitched before Harry’s mouth was back on him. He tangled his fingers in the alpha’s curls of hair, not letting himself pull hard but tugging softly, just to keep himself grounded.

Louis wasn’t a stranger to having his own fingers buried in his arse, working himself through heats or just on a boring night alone, but Harry’s fingers – his legs trembled with the feeling of his fingers spreading him open, the wet heat around his cock, his hand gripping his hip, holding him in place.

“Harry,” He whined out, “ _Please_.” He wanted to think he could say something romantic, but in that moment he couldn’t think of anything but the way he felt and Harry all around him. 

“Alright love, okay,” He finally said, settling himself above Louis and pressing another kiss against his lips. Harry’s scent was so much stronger when he was turned on and Louis wanted to bury his nose against his neck, wanted to scent him until he was dizzy with it, but he knew he could do that another time.

He felt the tip of Harry’s cock against his hole and gasped out with it, arms wrapped around Harry’s neck as Harry bottomed out and Louis let his eyes fall shut. Harry was still for a moment, and only when Louis opened his eyes to look at him did he move. 

Louis knew he wouldn’t last long, especially when Harry wrapped his hand back around his cock and jerked him off with the pace of his thrusts until tears were prickling at the corners of his eyes. The little moans and heavy breaths that fell from Harry’s lips sent him tumbling further over the edge, heat spreading through his body as he came over his stomach with a cry of Harry’s name.

He felt Harry’s knot inside of him, panting with the feeling. He felt more sensitive than he ever had, his body trembling with the aftershocks of it even as Harry kissed him through it.

“I love you,” Harry whispered softly, peppering kisses around his face, along his lips, down his neck.

“I love you too.”

He came down from the high of it before long and then Harry was pulling out and standing up.

“Where y’going?”

“I’m gonna get a rag to clean you up so we can sleep.” He hummed his approval and closed his eyes, limbs boneless and heavy. He let Harry clean him off with the damp rag and only opened his eyes back up when the alpha climbed back into bed beside him, laying facing him.

He smiled, turning onto his side to look at Harry. The only light in the room was the lamp light behind him, lighting him in a glow of gentle backlight that made his curls look even more beautiful.

“I still don’t know what I did to deserve you, you know,” Harry whispered, rubbing his thumb along Louis’ cheek. The touch sent a fresh wave of chills down his back, another smile creeping onto his face.

“I was kind of thinking the same thing. I love you so much.”

Louis let his hands roam over Harry’s skin, feeling the rise of the tattoos along his arms and the little tufts of hair in a trail at the bottom of his stomach. In the same place, he felt a ragged spot of rough skin and he traced the scar with the tips of his fingers, feeling the rough skin and how it healed in a crooked line. 

“A fight went wrong when I was fifteen,” Harry said quietly. “I wasn’t a known face, just yet. That was all my father’s business. I was a punk arse little kid with a big ego, and someone put me in my place. The guy I went up against had a knife, and I didn’t.” 

Louis knew pieces of Harry’s history. Not as much as he hoped to know one day as he earned himself a place closer to Harry’s heart, but it was enough. He knew that Harry’s father had worked the streets in the years after his own father had, earning the fear that wrapped around the Styles’ name. He knew that Harry had taken the foundations of what his father built up when he was too young and built his own home out of the bones of it. 

“Are you scared of dying?” Louis asked, softly. The room was dark and quiet aside from the glow of the candles around them and the sounds of the city through the open windows. 

“No. Maybe a little scared of what comes after, though.” 

“Do you believe in God?” 

“Yeah. I like to think I do.” Louis hummed. “S’pose that’s where the fear part comes in.” 

Harry had tattoos in a style Louis had never seen before. 

Where most alphas he’d seen were military men with graphics and colorful pieces of art, Harry had little scrawls of text alongside black and white images etched into his skin. 

Louis’ favorite tattoo was on the left side of his chest, just above his heart, in bold black font. 

_how senseless death_

_how precious life_

“Maybe a little scared of leaving you behind, too.” Those words were spoken so softly that Louis would have missed them if he hadn’t been paying attention. He didn’t respond. Instead, he traced the lines of the ink with his fingers as he listened to the sound of Harry’s heartbeat. His scent surrounded the room where they laid together and Louis felt peace. 

Winter passed and spring brought daisies and sunflowers to the vacant plot of land just beside the pub.

Louis picked a few of the sunflowers and took them inside, putting them into a vase. Harry was set to be home in a few minutes and then they were going to go out.

Harry took him to a fancy restaurant in the city center, but reserved them a table at the far back, away from everyone else. Live music played from somewhere in the front, but Louis didn’t want to think about anything but Harry, about anything except the life that they’d built for and with each other. It was everything he’d ever wanted.

“Do you ever wonder about the meaning of life?”

“Of life in general? Or… my life?”

“Both?” Louis shrugged, leaning his head on his hands, elbows resting on the table.

“Life in general I don’t think has an overarching meaning. I think it’s kind of just… what we make of it.”

Louis nodded his agreement. “I’ve always felt the same.”

“What about your life?”

“I don’t know. The meaning I’ve created is obviously a lot different from what most people’s is,” He took a drink of his wine, pausing for a moment, “I think it’s beautiful, sometimes,” Harry said, pouring the last of the bottle of wine between their two glasses. “Beautiful, wrong, evil. I’ve heard it all, it’s whatever you want to call it, I suppose.”

“Beautiful how? I can see evil in parts, but good too; and wrong is a bit obvious.”

“Well, think about it,” Harry started, “Shakespeare’s works would be almost entirely lost without violence; Marlowe and Milton, too. Hemingway and Dickens, Frost and Fitzgerald… they all write about the disparities of life, right? About the evils and violence and the cruelty, and we consider them beautiful.” Louis loved listening to Harry speak, but he felt intoxicated by his voice alone on nights like that, wine tipsy and so, so in love. “I guess Austen wouldn’t be taken out _entirely_ , but I can’t say I’d like to only have that as my entire catalogue for reading.”

Louis laughed at that and the grin Harry gave in response made him fall even deeper in love.

They stumbled home, wine drunk and in love as the sun peaked it’s head over the hills.

“Happy anniversary, my love.”

Louis didn’t respond. It wasn’t technically their anniversary anymore, but he wanted everyday to feel like it was, wanted every day to be filled with the love and adoration he had for Harry in that moment. They fell into bed together, lips crashing together as Harry stripped Louis of his trousers, rubbing him through his pants.

“You’re everything to me,” Harry said, nipping his teeth at his bond spot, making stars flash behind Louis’ eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Harry was slow in opening him up with his fingers, more focused on placing little kisses everywhere he could along his body, teasing his nipples, running his hands up the bare of his flesh.

“Okay baby?”

Instead he climbed on top of Harry, breathless from the kiss. Harry looked up at him with a smile before his hands moved to his hips, holding him in place.

“I wanted to try something,” He whispered.

“What is it?”

“I wanted to… be on top?” Harry’s eyebrows raised slightly but the smile didn’t fall from his mouth. Louis was nervous, but Harry made him feel safe even when he was the most vulnerable. His heart was beating fast in his chest, a mixture of the way Harry always made him feel when he was turned on and the excitement of trying something new.

“Alright. Anything you want.”

He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, but Harry helped – moved the head of his cock to press against Louis’ hole and he sighed happily with the feeling, teasing himself as he pushed back just slightly. Harry’s little pants of breath were one of Louis’ favorite sounds, the way he got so breathless when he was just as turned on as Louis was, his face flushed pink and grip hard on his hips.

Louis sunk himself down on Harry’s cock with a gasp, feeling the way the alpha’s grip tightened on his hips as he sat himself there for a moment.

It didn’t last long before Louis’ knees were tired, but Harry caught on before he had to say anything. He held on tighter to his hips and fucked up into him with the same rhythm Louis had set himself. He was breathless with it, moaning out Harry’s name between whimpers before he felt Harry’s knot expanding inside of him.

That’s all it took before he was coming with a shout, collapsing down on Harry’s chest breathlessly.

“Where did that come from?” The alpha asked with a laugh in his voice, running his fingers through Louis’ hair. He felt the heat of a blush climb onto his cheeks, but all he could do was grin.

“I might have read it in a magazine somewhere.”

“I didn’t know you read those kinds of magazines, love.”

“Are you calling me a prude while your knot is still in my arse?” He said with a laugh, grinning wider when Harry’s honk of laughter filling the quiet of the room. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis where he laid against his chest just as Louis let his eyes fall shut, breathing in Harry’s scent.

“Would you rather me call you something else?” 

Louis hummed, a smile on his face as Harry wrapped his arms around him tighter. “I guess I’ll take prude, for now.”

  
  


***

Louis was resting on the lounge in Harry’s bedroom, the lamp above him glowing yellow as he read _Mansfield Park._

A knock on the door pulled him out of it and he pulled his robe tighter around himself before he undid the lock and opened it slowly. “Lou, you might want to come here for a mo’,” Zayn said, shuffling on his feet. Louis furrowed his eyebrows but nodded, slipping his shoes on his feet and following Zayn down the hallway. 

Harry came inside with an arm thrown around Liam’s neck and blood covering his trousers. Louis’ eyes widened as he watched him limp his way inside, worried tears resting at his waterline. He wrapped his arms around himself as he followed them back to Harry’s bedroom where Liam helped him to lay down on the bed, knee propped up on a pillow. 

He gave a nod in Louis’ direction and walked out, leaving the two of them alone. 

He took the copy of Harry’s key from around his neck and opened the top drawer of the alphas desk, pulling out a first aid kit. “What happened?” He asked, moving to on his knees on the bed, just beside his alpha as he gently peeled the fabric of his trousers away from his legs. It had been wrapped once already on top of the cloth, but when he exposed the wound Harry hissed softly. Little pieces of pebbles were set inside of the raw-red flesh and Louis was quick as he plucked them out with tweezers, spraying small bits of disinfectant over the skin. 

Bruises littered his skin around his other knee and his hips, painting spots of purple and blue all along the muscled expanse of his body. 

“My bike hit a patch of loose gravel on the road and I fell off.” 

“Christ Harry, I worry about you, you know!” He shouted, bottom lip wobbling. “What would I do if you died, huh? If you left me behind because of something as silly as a motorbike!” He wrapped gauze around the wound on Harry’s leg, flinching slightly as he hissed out in pain once again. 

“I know, omega. I understand. I’m sorry.” Louis paused, sniffling a bit. “Stop fussing over me, baby. I’m alright. I promise. Just a little cut.” Louis had a feeling he wasn’t being given the entire story, but he wasn’t going to press. Not when Harry looked up at him with the same smile that never failed to make his heart feel fond. 

“I’m always fussing over you, you dumb alpha. I love you.” 

“Alright, alright. Well, stop touching me there. Hurts.” 

“Well, where _doesn’t_ it hurt?” Louis asked, that same charismatic smile he’d fallen in love with spreading across Harry’s face. 

“Here, I guess,” The alpha said, pointing to his elbow. Holding back a laugh, Louis pressed a soft kiss to the hard bone beneath the skin. “And maybe here,” He said next, pointing to his forehead. Louis grinned as he moved and placed a gentle kiss just at the top of his hairline on his forehead. 

“Anywhere else?” 

“I guess these don’t hurt too awfully bad.” Harry pointed to his lips and only then did Louis giggle softly as he kissed his alpha on the lips. 

“Better?” 

“Better.” 

Louis couldn’t sleep that night, thoughts of losing Harry filling his mind every time that he closed his eyes. It was something he thought of on occasion, but the idea of Zayn coming to get him only to tell him that Harry would never be coming home made him far more terrified than he would ever be able to admit. Harry was his home. Wherever he went Louis knew he would follow, and losing that felt like he would be losing a part of himself.

He knew Harry was reckless, even if he was smart. He was reckless in the pieces of his life that didn’t matter, in the parts where only he was involved. He turned too fast when he rode his motorbike, fought too hard with people who could hurt him if they really wanted to. It was all a part of who he was, but Louis couldn’t help but worry himself over it.

He listened to the beat of his alpha’s heart throughout the night, but when he did sleep, it was filled with bad dreams of being all alone.

Harry stayed home for a few days while he recovered from his crash.

It was easier to pretend that things couldn’t so easily go wrong when he had Harry right beside him, when he could take care of him and dress his scrapes and bruises and help him feel better without worrying about him.

Louis knew he was only doing it for his sake, but he would take anything he could get.

“I love you,” He said, resting his head on Harry’s chest.

“I love you, too. Forever.”

“Do you think we can get married, one day?” Harry smiled, nodding.

“Do you want to get married or do you want to bond first?”

He’d never taken the time to really think about which would come first – at least not in the sense of what he wanted. Traditionally, they were expected to bond before anything else. Usually within the first few months of knowing one another. But he’d left the traditional life behind and created his own life with Harry at his side.

“I was thinking married first, and then bonding on our wedding night.”

“That’s lovely. I’d love to do that with you. I want everything with you and more.”

Smoke filled the air around them, the dim lights hanging from the wall breaking through the clouds of smoke in streams. Louis grabbed a ten of hearts from the flop pile in the middle of the table and stuck it into the middle of his hand, keeping a blank face.

“Hm, well I raise to fifty pounds.”

“Jesus Christ,” Cal moaned from the other side of the table. “I fold.”

“I raise to seventy,” Liam said, eyeing him down as he took a drag of his cigarette. Louis nodded his respect but kept his face blank.

“Mark?” Liam asked after a moment, everyone watching the older man look over his cards.

The other man tapped his fingers twice on the table.

Everyone placed their cards down all at once and Louis just grinned as he looked over the other hands. It was his first royal flush of the evening, after other two pairs and straights, but it made the night a full night of winning for Louis.

“God damn Louis, you’re something aren’t you,” Liam sighed out just as Harry walked down the stairs.

“What’s up?” He asked, walking around the table to put his hands on Louis’ shoulders, squeezing softly, fondly.

“Louis just kicked all of our arses at poker,” Mark said, but Louis just sat there and grinned before he turned his head up to look at Harry. The alpha leaned down and pressed a kiss against his lips.

“Of course he did. What else did you expect?”

He got a soft chorus of groans in response, but he and Harry just laughed. Louis grabbed the pound notes from the center of the table and shoved them into the pockets of his – or Harry’s, whatever – jacket. Then he was following his alpha back up the stairs and into his bedroom happily.

Harry was right, it turned out. Of course that was nothing new, he was more than used to Harry saying smart things that would take Louis by surprise, but somehow it always did surprise him. It had taken longer than he thought it was going to, but he’d earned a spot amongst the people that followed Harry and he was more than happy to have that.

Harry felt like home, but everything else was starting to feel like it, too.

He’d moved in with Harry about three months after he’d come clean about who he was, and in that time he’d carved out a space for himself there.

“I love you,” Harry said, gently pushing Louis back against the bed.

“I love you,” He gasped out as his alpha kissed him again and then all he could think was _Harry_ and _my alpha._

  
  


Louis’ heat set in slowly, his eyes opening as wakefulness came. In the beginning it always started with little waves of heat, warm hands and red knuckles that slowly spread up his arms, to his chest, his neck, down his body. It was a slow progress at first, just until it set in and it was all consuming.

He’d never had an alpha to work him through a heat and excitement bubbled in his chest at the thought.

Surrounded by Harry’s scent, he felt content to let it wash over him in waves.

“Baby,” Harry said softly, still half asleep. He smelled like rut and Louis’ head was spinning even faster, heat spreading around his body faster than it ever had. Something in his heart felt heavy in that moment, happy tears filling the corners of his eyes as he looked at his sleeping alpha. Their heat and rut lining up meant something – sometimes people said it meant soul mates, sometimes people said it was just the best biological compatibility someone could find, sometimes people said it was fate bringing them together.

Louis didn’t really care what anyone else had to say about them, about how they fell together like this, but he did know it meant something. It meant he had even more reason to want to spend every single day of the rest of his life at Harry’s side.

“Alpha,” He whispered, cuddling closer to him before pressing his nose against the junction between his neck and shoulder where his scent was the strongest. Harry stirred, then, eyes opening before he turned on his side to look at Louis, a grin on his face.

“Oh,” He said as realization set in. “That’s…”

“I know.”

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” Harry said softly, running his hand along Louis’ cheek with a smile on his face. Louis asked himself the same question more than he could admit and happiness swelled up inside of his stomach when Harry said it, too. “Why don’t you go take a cold bath to feel better, then I’ll rub your back before it sets in all the way?”

Louis hummed his agreement, sighing happily before peeling himself out of bed and padding over to the bathroom.

He ran lukewarm water into the tub before he lowered himself into the slowly rising water, sighing softly. Harry was moving something around in their bedroom, but he didn’t have the energy to try and guess what it was. Instead, he just let himself relax into the cooling feeling of the water against his skin, breathing out a happy sigh.

He was somewhere between relaxed and asleep, the water up to his chest, when he heard the stream of water turning off and felt Harry’s hand against his cheek. He opened his eyes with a smile, looking over his alpha.

“Okay my love, let’s go back to bed.”

He dried himself off quickly, throwing the towel into the laundry bin. Harry guided him to the bed with a kiss against his neck before Louis was laying down on his stomach, crossing his arms and resting his head on them.

Harry rubbed his back and his shoulders for a while before the same overwhelming heat that had woken him up was spreading through the rest of his body.

He’d read once that heat set on faster when an alpha was also in rut, but he hadn’t thought it would be quite that fast. The feeling was almost overwhelming as soon as Harry had his hands on him. He writhed underneath his touch, already getting hard against the bed.

“Alright, love?”

“Always, when I’m with you.” The clouds over his mind were setting in, thoughts of Harry bending him over the only clear thoughts he could bring to the surface.

With Harry holding him, he let his heat take over without a worry in his mind.

  
  
  


It took three days before they were both fully coherent again, but Harry wasn’t ready for them to leave their bed.

Harry was staring at him, a sappy look on his face that Louis hadn’t seen in a long time. It always meant he was up to something. It was usually something that involved a surprise or a gift, but Louis had never mentioned that particular tell to his alpha, just because he liked to have the upper hand at least once in a while.

“What?”

“Will you marry me?”

They’d already discussed marriage, already decided that they wanted to get married one day, but the question still somehow threw Louis off guard. He blinked once, twice, letting the words settle in before a teary grin broke out over his face. It wasn’t what he was expecting, but it was everything he wanted.

“Wait, wait. Ask me again. I wasn’t expecting it that time.” Harry laughed, dimples deep in his cheeks. 

It wasn’t a traditional proposal. Harry wasn’t down on his knee and he didn’t have a ring inside of a little felt box, but it was perfect for them. A traditional proposal wouldn’t suit the life that they’d created for the two of them, so Louis couldn’t ask for anything different.

“Louis, my love, will you marry me?”

“Yes. God, yes.” The alpha pulled a little golden ring out of his pocket, then, with a diamond sat right in the center. He took Louis’ hand and put the ring onto his finger and all Louis could do was watch, happy tears forming in his eyes.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you so much.”

“Forever it is, baby,” Harry said, the exact same words he’d written on the dining room napkin more than a year earlier. It was one of the first moments that Louis had realized he was falling in love, and now he knew he was in love and with the person he wanted to be with forever. It was overwhelming in the best way, the happiness surging through him making his fingers tingle.

Harry came home early when Louis was in the bath.

He leaned against the doorframe for a moment, looking in at Louis.

“Do you want to join me?”

“Mm, next time, love. Think I just want to put a film on, tonight.” Louis nodded his agreement, pulling the drain plug on the bathtub before he was getting out. Harry was already gone when he turned back around, toweling himself off quickly before slipping his robe on over his shoulders.

In their room, Harry was stripping himself out of his suit, jacket already crumpled on the floor. A spatter of blood on the white of his undershirt caught Louis’ attention first and he pulled his robe tighter around himself, arms wrapped around his waist.

Harry had asked him to stop reading the news when he found out who he was and Louis had obliged, but there were times he wished he could know.

“What happened?”

“Nothing important.” It was the same answer he always got, and the same answer he always wanted to fight.

“You always say that.” Harry was quiet as he took the rest of his clothes off down to his boxers and climbed into bed, motioning for Louis to join him. He wrapped his arms around him as soon as he did, pressing his nose against Louis’ neck for a long moment.

“I know. It’s just – sometimes it’s better not knowing, isn’t it?” He answered after a long moment. Through the lamplight Louis could see the bruises on Harry’s hands, the dark spots of orange and purple along his knuckles, the red streaks of an old, shallow wound on his shoulder, a fading yellow of a very old bruise on his stomach.

“If I’m going to be with you forever you’re gonna have to tell me eventually.” He held Harry’s hands in his own, pressing light kisses over the bruises on his knuckles.

“Alright. I had to explain to someone why they shouldn’t kill people without running it by me, first.”

“Who was it?”

“Who?”

“The one who the person killed.”

“A corner girl.” Louis’ heart twisted. “She didn’t need to die and he knew that, but he did it anyway. I can’t have that.” 

Things were quiet for a while even if neither of them fell asleep right away. They never put the film on, but instead Harry just held him and he let himself listen to the steady beat of Harry’s heart. As long as he could have that, he was happy.

Louis rested his head against the lid of the toilet, tears streaming down his face. 

He forced himself up, flushing the toilet before rinsing his mouth out in the sink. 

Louis knew he was made for Harry. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he and Harry were tailored for one another by whatever higher being the universe used to create them – and he also knew that even two halves could be separated.

He’d never thought he would be the type to believe in soulmates or fate, but the longer he was with Harry, the more he fell in love with him and got to know him, the more he started to believe it. Their pieces fit together in every way, complimented each other on every measurement that Louis could think up. Blue and green were side by side on the color wheel - where Harry was strong, Louis was weak; where Harry was hard, Louis was soft. 

It wasn’t the first time that he’d found himself knelt over the toilet from the moment he woke up, or over the smell of fresh eggs or bacon when he used to love them. He’d put off the knowledge of what was happening to him over his own selfish desire to stay with Harry as long as he possibly could, to hold on to every moment more that he could get.

But he knew they weren't meant to be together forever. 

He should have known from the second he started the thrill of this life, but it wasn’t something he’d been ready to face, back then. Not that he was ready to face it then, either, but given the chance he would have chosen to continue to ignore it.

The silence screamed around him as he stared at himself.

He leaned closer to the mirror and looked himself over, examining his face, his stomach, his legs. He wasn’t showing yet, but he had a feeling he would be soon. His hands shook slightly as he walked back to their bedroom and sat himself on the edge of the bed.

Maybe he was giving into the thoughts of failure; maybe he was abandoning the promise he’d made to Harry and to himself of forever, but there was another promise made in that moment. Something bigger than him or Harry or anything else, he thought.

Harry wasn’t home, wouldn’t be for hours.

It was a part of their normal, but it wasn’t a normal he could expect a child to live with. The wind outside howled as it pressed against the glass windows, the trees outside shaking. His thoughts wondered to Harry, to their late night conversations and whispered dreams for their future. They rarely talked about what it was that went on in the streets when Louis wasn’t watching, and Louis didn’t want to know, but he knew he would have to if he stayed.

He would never be able to go a night without thinking of him, without thinking of what he was doing or where he was. If he was safe, if he was going to go to live or die or be locked behind bars for the rest of his life.

He could never force his baby to experience the fear and the worry that he wouldn’t make it home that day or that something would happen to him. He could never make another person have to feel that so deeply so regularly.

Those were feelings he rarely let himself feel, the constant and never ending worry when his alpha wasn’t beside him.

But more than that, he knew he couldn’t expose his baby to the dangers of their life, to the people who would kill a baby without so much as a second thought if it meant it would hurt Harry. He twisted the ring on his finger in circles for a moment, staring at his hands.

He took a deep breath and exhaled shakily, resting his hands on his stomach. His thoughts were running faster than they ever had until his eyes were wet with tears he hadn’t realized he was crying. It was an unfamiliar feeling, the complete defeat he felt in his chest, in his heart. He didn’t want to leave his life behind, but he knew there were some things that were bigger than he was, bigger than his wants and his thoughts.

A baby was exactly that.

The note came next, pleading words put on the page begging Harry not to come after them. He didn’t want to count how many times he wrote how sorry he was, how much he loved Harry, how much he didn’t want to go but that he had to in the pages. As he wrote, he let everything come out as it came to his mind.

_I love you. I hope you understand why this is what I have to do even if it’s not what I want to do. You’ll always be in my heart, no matter how long we’re apart or how far you are._

He wrapped the note up in an envelope and packed his day bag with his clothes.

“Alright,” He said to no one, to himself, to God, to his unborn baby. “Let’s clean up our mess.” 

He handed the note off to a familiar face with a simple goodbye, and then he was gone. 


	3. Three.

NOW - 1969

Louis had no idea what to say to Harry, anymore. He didn’t know how to act around him. The weight had been lifted off of his shoulders when he told Harry how he felt, but it felt replaced by a new burden. 

“You still love me?” Harry finally asked; barely a few seconds passed, but it felt like an eternity. All Louis could do was nod, one tear finally tracking down his cheek as he wrapped his arms around himself. Harry was close enough that the gentle evening breeze brought his scent closer, wrapping him in it in the way he hadn’t felt since they were last together, surrounded by blankets and pillows that smelled like love and happiness and them. 

“I spent a long time trying to convince myself that I don’t.” Hurt flashed across Harry’s face, then, and Louis wanted to reach out and take the words back, hold them in his hands and stop them from getting to the other man. “And maybe I’m still in love with the you that you used to be, and maybe that love comes from the me I used to be. I don’t know.” He paused, running a hand through his hair. Communication had always been something he tried to consider himself good at, but in that moment each word felt like it got stuck in his throat before he could force it out. “Do you still love me?” 

“I’ve spent a long time being angry at you,” He said in lieu of an answer. Louis winced, but he nodded. 

“What are we supposed to do from here, then?” Louis’ tone was quipped, sharper around the edges than he meant for it to be, but he felt exposed. He’d revealed a piece of himself that he never thought he would and the rejection stung. His lungs felt heavy, filled with the embarrassment and the shame that he had hoped he could go the rest of his life without confronting. He could smell his own scent around him, bitter and sour with the disgust at himself. His hands shook where they were burrowed into the folds of his jacket and his nose ran as a gust of cold air swept past him. 

“We can learn to love each other again – as who we are now.”

The words felt like they were stuck in the air all over again, and only then did Louis finally start crying harder, floodgates opened. Harry took another step closer and for a moment looked like he wanted to reach out to touch him. Louis wanted that, he wanted it more than he could admit and more than he could describe. 

He felt like he was seventeen and terrified of being alone all over again. Like he was sixteen walking into the diner where Harry found him and scraped up the pieces of him that he’d dragged to London and turned them human. Felt like he’d fallen apart after years of being held together with painters’ tape and string. 

“You don’t have to run from me anymore, baby,” Harry said, his voice broken in a way Louis thought he’d never heard before. “I’d never do anything to hurt you. Ever. Please, let me love you.” 

His heart felt stunted in his chest when he nodded, when he let Harry pull him into his arms all over again. It felt like he could breathe for the first time in that moment; or maybe like he’d been breathing all along but never quite taking full breaths. Enough to survive but not enough to feel quite like living. He hadn’t realized how empty it felt without him there until that moment, until he felt pieced back together by a single touch. “I never wanted to make you stop loving me,” He said too quickly, too sincerely. “I never stopped loving you,” He said, trying not to let his voice break under the weight of the statement. “Never stopped loving you,” He said for the last and third time. 

God called Samuel three times before he rose; but the devil also took the holy trinity and created the evil trinity. He wasn’t sure which felt more applicable in that moment. 

“Things were different then. We were different then.”

“Yeah.” All he could do was agree. It wasn’t exactly how he envisioned this moment, but all he could feel was the relief at it being off of his chest. 

“We can be different, now,” Harry said. There were tears in his eyes when Louis turned his head up to look at him. 

“I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I never called. I wanted to. Every day I wanted to, but I couldn’t bring myself to give either of us that ultimatum.” 

“I know. I understand, baby. We’re here now. That’s what matters.” He nodded. 

They stood there a while longer, until the tears dried on Louis’ cheeks and he felt safe in a way he hadn’t in so long. He pulled back when it felt right, when something said that it was okay, that he could expect that not to be the last hug. He’d spent weeks wishing he’d had a more significant last interaction with Harry when he left the first time, and then he’d spent months raking his mind over all of the things he could have said, should have said. It only ever served to make him feel worse about himself at any given moment, but in that moment he had to force himself not to catalogue every inch of Harry’s body that didn’t feel as familiar as it once had. He had to force himself to accept that it wasn’t the last time he’d be seeing him. 

It was freeing. 

They got back into the car after that, when the night sky started to turn cold. “Where are you taking us, anyway?” He finally asked, only realizing in that moment that he hadn’t thought to ask, before. He trusted Harry enough that he didn’t think it was all that important to need to ask. “And who’s trying to hurt me?” 

Harry exhaled softly. 

“I have a house outside of London, out north. Not many people know about it, so it’s safe, there,” He said, turning to look over at Louis just for a brief moment. “I don’t want Lizzie to wake up and hear us talking about that. I’ll tell you when we get there.”

“Okay. Alright.” 

He fell asleep not long after that. Right before the dreams took over his consciousness he felt the weight of Harry’s hand moving to rest at the top of his thigh, a warm comforting presence. He smiled, even with his eyes closed, before he slept. 

  
  


He woke to the sound of rustling and motion less than an hour later. 

They were parked in front of a large, unattached house on a street covered in summer green trees. The dark masked the details, but what he could see from the glow of streetlights and still on living room lights, it looked beautiful. 

“This is your house?” It was closer to central London than he’d thought it would have been – the streets familiar from the days he’d spent living on them. 

Harry hummed his affirmation before coming around to open Louis’ car door. He stood, stretching out the knots and the kinks in his back from the car ride before opening the backdoor to find a still sleeping Lizzie. 

He picked her up with practiced ease as Harry grabbed their bag and a bag of his own and led them inside. 

“I can show you to a guest room for Elizabeth. And you can have the third room if you like, unless you want to sleep with me.” 

Louis hadn’t thought that far ahead, but the idea was tempting. It wasn’t anything new or radical or even much different from how things had been before – and he was allowing himself to fall back into how things had been before. The differences felt like enough for him to be comfortable with it, with the way Harry was so willing to protect him and their girl and the life he’d built even if he hadn’t been a part of it. 

He wasn’t sure how to answer, so he just nodded. He wasn’t sure how to say I’ll sleep with you without sounding like a child, without sounding like a needy omega who’d only found it harder and harder to sleep as the nights went on and an empty bed beside him. Harry had fallen in love with him when he was vibrant, full of life and heart and dreams. 

The years had tamed him, forced him to abandon any thoughts of anything except what he was doing and where he found himself. All he could do was hope that Harry would still love him for the him that he was, now. 

“You’ll give me the full tour in the morning, right?” He said softly, breaking the silence. That was all it took, it seemed, before the walls between them were broken. Harry closed the space between them and pulled him into his arms once again, pressing his nose against his neck and breathing in. It was the intimacy he craved for so long and he let himself fall into it. 

“Anything you want.” 

He didn’t ask about who was chasing them or what the real danger was before he fell asleep. He almost didn’t want to know, didn’t want to hear about the one thing he’d destroyed his own life to get away from still managing to find him, years later. 

  
  
  


When he woke, he was alone. 

It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary – nothing different from what he knew to be true about Harry’s early morning habits – but a part of him had hoped that he’d wake up with Harry’s arms around him. He didn’t give it much thought before he was crawling out of bed and changing into a pair of clothes he dug out from the bag he packed. 

Once he dressed himself, he took a set of clothes to the room down the hall and left it on the dresser for Lizzie to find when she woke up. She was still sleeping, breathing evened out beneath the blankets. 

He watched her for a moment, letting himself lean against the doorframe with his arms wrapped around himself. 

He let himself stand there for a while before he made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Harry was pouring a kettle of boiling water over a pour over full of coffee grounds when Louis walked in. The clock read half eight, more than an hour and a half longer than he’d been able to sleep in since he’d had Lizzie. 

He felt refreshed fully, without a hint of the lingering exhaustion that had been sitting just beneath the surface of his skin for years. 

It was almost a foreign feeling. 

He wasn’t sure if he could give credit to having someone at all in his bed beside him or if he could credit it to being Harry, the familiar comfort that he’d longed for for so long. 

“Good morning,” Harry said, looking over to him with a smile. 

“Hi, Liam,” He said, his tone unintentionally awkward. Being forced to confront his past was more uncomfortable when he had to remember that he and Harry weren’t the only ones affected – that he’d had friends and relationships outside of Harry that he’d had to walk out on, too. 

Calling them just wouldn’t have been fair if he hadn’t called Harry, too, and he couldn’t bring himself to do it. The separation had to be complete, or not at all, and that had been his only term when he’d walked out. 

“Hi, Louis,” The alpha said, giving him a soft smile. “Good to see you again.” He didn’t seem angry or resentful in the way Louis thought he deserved. Instead, he just seemed genuinely happy to be able to see him again, and there was something about that that Louis didn’t know how to handle. A part of him had almost hoped that everyone would be angry with him, would treat him like he’d done something wrong just because that’s how he’d treated himself for months after he left. It didn’t seem right that everyone else seemed to be able to get over it so well, without a trace of hard feelings, when he’d suffered over his own thoughts for so long. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s been a while.” 

Only then did he notice the other alpha – the man he didn’t recognize – sitting in the barstool just beside Liam. 

“Zayn,” He said, reaching out and shaking Louis’ hand. His hand was warm but rough in the same way that Harry’s hands were. It reminded him of exactly what their line of work was, in a way. 

“Louis. Nice to meet you.” 

Harry left the kitchen and went to the living room, then, and Louis trailed him. 

“Are Liam and Zayn going to be trailing us the entire time? I don’t remember your security being that tight before all this,” He said, sitting down beside him, thighs touching with the closeness. He liked being close to Harry like that – the physical intimacy something he’d craved so long and Harry something he’d craved just as long. 

Zayn laughed, first. “No, we’re not. We’re just hanging out for a couple more hours, since we crashed here last night.”

“Want me all to yourself already?” Harry asked, a dimpled grin on his face. 

“You wish, Styles.”

He did. But Harry’s ego didn’t need to hear that. 

  
  
  


Harry was brushing his teeth when Louis walked into the bathroom at half eight in the morning. 

He grabbed the little pill bottle from his purse that he’d put in the top drawer and uncapped it, pouring a pill into his palm. 

“Is everything alright?” Harry asked, concern in his voice as his eyes trailed to the pills. There’d been a time that Louis told the alpha everything he did, told him every pill he took and told him every thought that popped into his head. 

Not thinking to immediately tell him what the pills were was just another physical marker of how far gone that life was. He knew they could get it back if they worked hard enough at it, but that would take time. Time that he worried Harry wasn’t willing to give – even if he was. He wasn’t sure if Harry was as dedicated to getting all of this back as he was. 

It was yet another thing that his mother had told him as a child – no matter how much you want something, you can never influence how much someone else wants something. He knew it was true, no matter how much he didn’t want it to be in that moment. 

“They’re my suppressants.”

“Suppressants?” He asked, eyebrows at his hairline. “I… guess I figured. Your scent isn’t the same as I remember it being.” 

“They keep my heats from happening. I just wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle one without –“ He stopped, clearing his throat. Without you, he wanted to say. “Without an alpha,” he said instead. 

Harry stared at him for a moment, like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. Louis sighed softly as the alpha walked out of the bathroom and just swallowed the pill dry.   
  


Harry took the three of them on a walk through the park on a Saturday. 

It was a tradition the two of them used to have when they’d been together – always trying to go outside somewhere on Saturdays, and if not Saturdays then at least one day of the week that they could both get away. But with Louis’ old uni schedule and Harry’s constantly wild life, it had always ended up being the one day of the week that worked the best for them. 

A part of him knew that he needed to stop thinking about their old life and start thinking about the new life that they could – and hopefully would – be building together. But that didn’t feel possible, sometimes. It felt like he would always be weighed down with what they’d done when they were younger. Harry had been his everything, then, but as things had shifted, he slowly changed to be something he craved but didn’t need. It was a feeling he wasn’t sure how he could handle in this new life. 

He knew that, until they were bonded, he would never feel that same level of need for the alpha that he’d had when he was a teenager. Even if there had been nights when he was certain that he needed him more than he needed anything else in his life. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Harry asked as Lizzie ran off, chasing a flock of doves that had gathered near some crumbs on the ground near the path. 

“Do you ever think about us?”

“Like us from before?” Louis hummed in agreement. “I used to almost every day. Then, not at much. But I think I’ve been thinking about it a lot more since we’re together again. Why?” 

“I miss us. But I wouldn’t want to go back to that. Does that make sense?” 

“I think so, yeah.” 

Harry took Louis’ hand into his own, then. 

It felt like enough of a yes, I think about you, too that Louis was satisfied. 

  
  
  


Harry hadn’t gone out for work once in the week that he and Lizzie had been staying with him, and that wasn’t something Louis was used to at all. 

“Are you not … don’t you have to go into work?” 

“I told them I’d be away, for a while,” Harry said, smiling. But Louis frowned a bit. He knew it wasn’t that easy, that he couldn’t get away for so long without so much as a fuss from anyone else. “I promise. Liam is handling a lot of my affairs for me, for now. I’ve been working on being less involved lately, anyway.”

Louis didn’t want to be skeptical, but he couldn’t help it. He knew better than to trust anyone in that business more than necessary, and he’d learned that from Harry. It had been the number one rule of their life – don’t let anyone get any closer than they need to be. 

“You’re sure?” He trusted Harry, which meant he trusted everyone that the alpha trusted, too, but the concern still flared in his chest no matter how much he didn’t want it to. 

“Don’t worry about me, love. I know what I’m doing.” Harry wrapped an arm around his shoulders, then, and pressed a gentle kiss against his temple. 

His scent helped him calm down, so he leaned into it, leaned himself into Harry’s grip and let his eyes fall shut just for a moment. He was comforting, a solid presence that felt like home no matter the years that separated them. 

“I’ll always worry about you, you know?”

“I know. I promise, everything is just fine.” 

After that, his mind was slightly quieter. 

  
  
  


“Louis, baby,” Harry’s voice lulled him from sleep. 

“Mummy,” Lizzie said at the same time and only then did he open his eyes. The two of them were standing at the side of the bed, Harry with a tray in his hands. “I made you breakfast!” Lizzie said with a smile on her face. He could smell the coffee and the bacon from the tray, so he sat himself up with a gentle smile. 

“Oh, really? What have we got, then?” Harry put the tray down on his blanket-covered lap as he sat up and he looked over the little plate. The eggs were seasoned with Harry’s signature spices and he knew that the alpha was the one that made it, but he was happy that he was letting Lizzie take the credit for it. 

“Bacon and eggs, and coffee. Harry helped.” 

He and Harry both laughed, then, and Lizzie crawled into the bed with him, stuffing her legs beneath the duvet with him. 

“My talented girl, already a chef.” He took a sip of his coffee – made exactly the way he liked it – and smiled up at Harry. “Do you want to join us in bed, H?”

“I suppose it does look a lot warmer in there than out here.”

The three of them stayed in bed for a while after Louis finished his breakfast, just chatting and laughing. Lizzie told bad jokes and Harry laughed right along with her – only making Louis even more certain that bad jokes were genetic. 

The day was more than half over by the time he finally got up and got himself dressed, only to spend the rest of his day with his family. 

His family. 

It felt nice to be able to say that, to be able to say that he wasn’t alone in all of this anymore. He didn’t want to be alone in anything anymore, now that he knew how good it could be to have someone there with him. He’d always dreamed of loving and being loved – ever since he was a child who didn’t know the real weight of those emotions. 

But really, Harry was it for him. 

He figured he knew that a long time ago, but the longer he spent with him the more that set in. The more it set in in a way that felt comfortable. With each cup of coffee that Harry made him in the way that he’d always taken it and with each night they spent together, curled into one another in bed, he was more and more certain that this was exactly what he wanted for the rest of his life. 

  
  
  


Days passed much the same. 

He and Harry were wrapped in each other more often than not and it was exactly how Louis wanted it to be. 

Louis’ heart felt heavy. 

It was too easy to let himself fall back into those feelings that he’d had before – the way he wanted to wrap himself in Harry’s scent, wanted to be around him at all times, wanted to feel claimed by it. It was too easy to want all of that again – but too hard to fight off. 

But he didn’t want to fight it off. 

He’d never fallen out of love with Harry, and maybe that was his downfall. He’d spent years laying in bed at night and thinking back on old memories with a teary-eyed smile. They’d been the best years of his life even though he had to let them go. 

Knowing that maybe – just maybe – he could have all of that back made his heart race in his chest. The parts of Harry that he wanted to keep were the parts of him that he got to see every day. The cheeky smile, the whip sharp sense of humor, the way he smiled and laughed at everything Louis did. 

The parts that he didn’t want anymore weren’t intimately related to Harry. 

The murder and the violence and the fast paced never ending adrenaline rush of a life. That wasn’t a life he was able or willing to lead anymore, no matter how much he wanted to be with him. 

“Is this going to be forever, now?” Louis asked, voice too small as he brought his knees to his chest and rested his chin on top of them. 

“I want it to be, but –“ Louis swallowed hard at that word. But. The most dangerous fucking word. “As much as I wish we never had to talk about it,” Harry started, sighing, “I don’t think we can ever fully move on without talking about it.” They both knew what it was without having to define it. The leaving. The years without each other. The heartache that Louis caused both of them, even if it was for good reason. 

“Alright. Should we each just say our piece, then?” 

“I think that’s… yeah. You should go first.” Louis nodded, taking a minute to think through exactly what he wanted to say, how he wanted to say it. The thoughts had been swirling through his head for the weeks that had weighed him down so deeply were still at the forefront of his mind. He knew he needed to say all of it, needed to air it all out before it was left rotten and tore the two of them apart forever. 

So he took a breath. 

“I left,” He started, “And I went with Niall for a while. I was about three and a half, maybe four months pregnant, the doctor said when I went to see one. They couldn’t tell me if it was a boy or a girl at that appointment, but just knowing that there was a piece of me, a piece of us, inside of me – it gave me the motivation to know I was doing something right.” 

Harry just looked at him, but it didn’t feel like there was judgement on his face. He was chewing on the inside of his cheek, but he didn’t seem upset. Louis was thankful for that. 

“And it was hard. I wanted to go back to you every day. Every single day I had to have Niall talk me out of it or talk me out of it myself. Because you – well I already told you that part. I didn’t want to lose you, or her, or see you hurt, or worry about you. I missed you, but I didn’t – and I can’t say I do, even now – miss that life.” 

Harry nodded. 

“It wasn’t an easy pregnancy, either. I was sick all the time and sad even more than that. But four and a half months later she came home happy and healthy and from then on I stopped thinking about myself or anyone except her.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me about her? She’s mine. I feel like I had a right to know.” 

“I thought about that and – and I don’t have a truly good reason other than I was scared. Scared I’d get drawn back to you and that life or that you’d bring danger with you if you were to come see her. Before long I just stopped thinking about it.” He paused for a second as he tried to collect his thoughts, tried to make sure he was saying exactly what he wanted to say. “All of this makes me sound like I’m a bad person, and I don’t think there’s a way to tell this story without sounding like I’m the bad guy in all of this. If you were anyone else I’d believe I was wrong, too. But… look where we are right now. It’s the danger I didn’t think I could handle with a baby.”

“I can see where you’re coming from. I always told you I’d understand if you left. I think that’s why I never tried to track you down after you left.”

“Did you want to?”

“Every day.”

“Me, too.” 

“I had eyes on you, all the time, though. Not because I wanted to watch you, but because I wanted to keep you safe. I never asked any questions because I didn’t want to know what you were doing or if you looked happy or not. I just told them to make sure no one bothered you.” 

“Who?”

“Zayn, primarily.” 

Louis laughed a bit at that, tears starting in his eyes. Harry had always been like that – always been so kind and thoughtful and genuine. 

“You told me you’d always keep me safe.”

“I did.” 

“I didn’t know you followed through.”

“I’ve never lied to you and I never will.” 

“You said you loved me, still,” Louis said, more of a statement than a question. Harry wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it, and he knew that. But the more their past chained them down and held them back, the less possible it felt for it to stay true. 

“I do. I don’t know if I can fall in love with you again without telling you how bad you hurt me,” Harry said, voice shaking. “I love you with every piece of me and I know I always will. I fell out of love with you probably three or four years ago, though.” Louis swallowed the pain the words caused; all he could do was nod. 

“I started drinking, right after you left. Not like the way we did, not in the fun way. In the way where I would black out and wish I wouldn’t wake up in the morning.” Louis’ eyes widened, but he understood. Had he had to feel that pain without Lizzie by his side, he was sure he would have felt much the same. “It didn’t last long because there were rumors of people saying I wasn’t fit to lead if I couldn’t even handle a heartbreak. But it was bad, for a while.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. That’s why we’re talking about this now, right?” Louis nodded again. “I hated myself for a while. I knew I was the reason you left, be it because of me directly or because of the life I live. I started feeling like I didn’t even want to be around myself – and that was when I realized I had a problem. I was just so ripped up that after everything we had you left without so much as a goodbye.”

“I can relate to that, at – wait. I left you a letter. A goodbye letter. I did say goodbye. You have to at least give me credit for that.”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at him and Louis frowned. 

“What?” 

“I left it with Jeff the day I left. He said he’d get it to you.” Harry clenched his fists, just barely for a moment. Louis only noticed because of how closely he was paying attention to the other man. 

“That makes a lot more sense, then.” 

“What happened there? I thought Jeff was a good guy.” 

“He tried to kill me about a month after you left. Said I wasn’t fit to lead and that someone else needed to lead.” Louis wished something like that surprised him, but he knew that was just how the business worked. “I ended up killing him first, of course, but he managed to convince a lot of people that I wasn’t right or good to look after everything so I lost a lot of people that year. He must have figured out that you disappearing supposedly without saying anything would just make me spiral more than anything else could have.” 

“Jesus. I’m so sorry – I didn’t realize you thought – I’m so sorry.”

“No. Don’t be. That’s not your fault.” 

“Do you think we can be okay after this?”

“I think so. I think, for me at least, just saying all of that makes it feel a little more like a clean slate. Like I can fall in love with… who we are now.” Harry was smiling when he said that, bringing back the same words that Louis had said before. He crawled to sit on Harry’s lap, bringing their chests together as he rested his head on his shoulder. 

The closeness felt right in every way. He was tired of being scared of feeling alive. It was something he knew he wouldn’t be able to get over quickly at all – but it felt like a first step. A first step towards falling back in love with Harry, beyond just loving him. 

  
  
  


Louis put the phone back on the receiver with a sigh. 

Niall would be coming to Harry’s house – and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about that. He’d told Niall everything after he and Harry had split and had trusted him to keep it all to himself – and he always had – but that meant that he knew. Knew about a piece of Harry that few people who weren’t directly involved knew about. 

He chewed his bottom lip between his teeth as he leaned back against the counter. 

Harry would be home any minute and that only left him thinking about ways to tell him, if he could manage to gather the courage to tell him at all. The bigger part of him knew that Harry wouldn’t react badly – after this many years if Niall hadn’t already told someone then he wouldn’t, now, but he couldn’t help but worry that the alpha would lose trust in him. 

“Harry?” He asked, walking to where the alpha was in the kitchen, finishing up on making the food for their company. Louis had never been the best cook – even if he’d improved since becoming a mother – and Harry liked to cook. It worked for them and neither of them bothered to question it.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to tell you something about Niall.” He turned, a skeptical look growing over his face but he just nodded. “After I left… I told him everything. About me and you. The things we did.”

It was quiet between them for a moment, but Harry just shrugged. 

“Alright. I figured you’d told him before, to be honest. He always ran away whenever he saw me.” Louis laughed at that, smiling before he pulled Harry away from the stove and wrapped him in a hug. 

“I was worried you’d be upset that I told him. I know it’s not really my place or anything to tell anyone about your life.”

“I understand why you did, and he doesn’t seem like much of a threat to me, anyway.” 

Louis just smiled. 

Harry chopped his potatoes and onions and put the food into the oven before he washed his hands again. “Is Lizzie still playing outside?” 

“Yeah.” He could hear her running around from where the backdoor was still opened, could hear her little shrieks and giggles as she ran around and wore herself out in whatever way she kept herself entertained. 

Harry grabbed Louis by the backs of his thighs and lifted him onto the counter, slotting himself between the omegas thighs and pressing a kiss against his lips. 

“We don’t –“ He breathed out, the air in his lungs suddenly not feeling like enough. “Niall is going to be here any minute.”

Harry huffed out a little laugh but he just grinned and nodded. “Alright, baby. Alright.” 

Then there was a knock on the door. 

He took a second to collect himself before he made his way from the kitchen to the main room and opened the door for his friend, smiling softly.

“Hi, Niall. Come in.” He was alone that time rather than with the kids, which wasn’t typical, but Louis understood. Niall had met Harry only twice when they’d been together – the first time when he’d come to pick him up from a shift they shared and the second time as Harry was at their flat.

Both times had been civil and nice – and Louis had a feeling that if he’d never told Niall about what it was that Harry did, the two of them could have had mutual understanding. But he knew that wasn’t something that could happen, anymore. 

“Hey, Lou! It’s good to see you,” He said, smiling. Louis took his coat and hung it on a hanger inside of the closet closest to the door. “Harry,” Niall said, polite but short. Louis knew that much was his fault – that the way Niall looked at the other man was his own doing by telling him. 

“It’s good to see you, too. I’ve missed that face of yours,” he said, smiling softly as Niall laughed. 

The tea kettle on the stove started screaming right as he led him to the kitchen and he walked over to pull it away from the heat. “You can sit, I’ll make tea and the food will be ready soon.”

The casserole was still in the oven but Louis could see that there was only about ten minutes left on the timer before it would be ready. 

“Anyways, I’m going to run to the loo. Be back in a mo’,” Harry said, and then he was gone. 

“You’re sure you’re safe?” Niall asked, worry clear in his eyes. Louis knew Harry hadn’t actually had to use the loo, that he was perceptive enough to leave the two of them to have a moment to talk alone. He wasn’t sure if the other man was still listening or not – but Louis wasn’t afraid of what he had to say. 

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

“Because you left this behind to –“

“I know. Harry warned me that there’s someone after me, who wants to hurt me to get to him.” Niall took a sharp breath, shock clear in his face. “I was just as shocked when he showed up at my door as I’m sure you were when I told you he did.”

“I love you, you know that?” Louis just smiled and let Niall hug him, putting his arms around the other omega in return. “And I trust you to make the decisions that are best for you, but I also can’t help but worry when you’re living with a –“

He cut the other man off a second time, but he tried not to let himself feel bad about it. He just didn’t want to let him get worked up over something that he’d let himself think about already. 

“I know. I’m safe, Lizzie’s safe. Everything is alright.” 

“Okay. Okay.” Louis pulled back from the hug with a smile right as Lizzie came running into the kitchen. 

“Uncle Niall,” She screamed, immediately running to him and jumping into his lap. Louis just laughed and smiled.   
  
  


“Alright. I’ll have her back after supper!” Niall said, a grin on his face with his hand holding Lizzie’s. Louis couldn’t help but wonder if he knew that this could be one of the last times he would get to see her for their little on the town outings or if he thought it was just any other normal day.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell him, either. 

“Okay. You two have fun!” 

As soon as the door shut behind him, Harry was kissing him. 

The tension that had built up between them had finally reached the breaking point that left both of them with no choice but to act on it. It felt like he was being pulled out of his skin and crumpled tight together all while being pulled apart, piece by piece, all at the same time. 

Harry was quick in his movements as he pushed Louis back against the wall just behind the door, a hand placed behind his head so he didn’t hurt himself. Louis reached up to the shirt around Harry’s chest and toyed at the bottom button, first, fumbling with eager, shaking hangs to get the fabric to come apart. 

“Patience, omega,” Harry said as he broke the kiss, taking Louis’ wrists and slowly bringing them above his head, trapping both in one big hand against the wall. 

“Good boy,” Harry’s voice was gruff with arousal and his scent sent a weakness through Louis’ knees. Louis felt his arms pushed beneath him and then he was being pulled away from the wall with another bruising kiss against his lips. He was overwhelmed in the best way, still reeling from the feeling of Harry’s hands on his wrists. “So good for me.” 

The next thing Louis found he could bring himself to fully concentrate on, after a blur of fumbling hands and a trail of discarded clothes following them down the hall, was Harry placing wet kisses over his bond mark, down his neck and along his left shoulder.

The backs of his knees met the bed before he toppled backwards and Harry followed, bracing himself on a knee and wrist as he leaned over the omega. 

He didn’t waste a moment before he was lifting one of Louis’ legs and rubbing a finger over Louis’ arousal slick hole, still trailing little kisses along his neck. 

“I’m going to take my time with you, love,” Harry said, kissing a trail down the length of Louis’ stomach. “I haven’t had you in years and I want to remember how I got you back forever.” 

Harry nipped his teeth at the little H inked right above his hip bone, soothing over it with his tongue afterwards. 

Forever. 

Louis felt himself go limp at the idea. 

“Don’t want to wait any longer,” He said with a whine as Harry’s lips ghosted over the head of his cock. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt himself hot with the flush of arousal in the way that Harry could make him so, so easily. 

The way Harry moved him and handled him felt like they had never been apart. Every brush of his fingers against his body felt familiar, like the alpha hadn’t forgotten every little part of him that he loved touched. 

Harry had always been something of a tease in bed, had always forced him to wait and beg and plead even if that was the last thing that he wanted to do when they were together. In that moment, waiting felt like the worst thing he could imagine – all he wanted was Harry’s hands on him in the exact way he wanted them after so many years of being without. 

“Please,” He said after what felt like too long. 

Harry seemed to let up, at that. 

“Alright, love. Alright.”

He still ran his hands up Louis’ sides, flicked fingers over his nipples with concentration that he always had and Louis whined with it, sweat pooling in his collarbones and slick leaking from his hole. 

Harry pressed inside of him first with two fingers, making Louis gasp with the feeling. He was quick with it, twisting the digits and spreading them slightly as another big hand held his hips down against the mattress. 

“I love you,” Louis gasped out through a moan. 

“I love you, too.” Tears threatened at the waterlines of Louis’ eyes, but it was exactly what he needed to hear. 

“I don’t need a condom – suppressants.” 

Harry looked at him for a moment, a look on his face that Louis couldn’t quite read, but then he just smiled and pressed a kiss against his lips. 

Harry made love differently than the way he fucked. 

They’d done both and Louis knew well enough to know the difference, and that was the feeling of being in love – of being loved. The gentle touches along his body and peppering kisses along his neck and chest – it was an overwhelming feeling of being surrounded by Harry that he never wanted to let go of. 

Harry’s knot swelled inside of him right as Louis came, scratching lines down Harry’s back with the feeling. 

Then Harry bit into that spot on his neck – not hard enough to pair them together for the rest of their lives, but hard enough that – for a moment – Louis felt complete. 

  
  
  


He didn’t remember blacking out, but as his eyes opened, Harry was rubbing a warm, damp cloth over his body to clean him. 

Still dazed with muscles that felt like jam, all Louis could do was lay there. He still wasn’t certain where the future was going to take them, if Harry was truly going to be his person – his person who he would get forever as his one and only – but he found that he wasn’t longing for the answer, either. 

He’d spent too long yearning for answers, spent too many years asking questions that didn’t have comfortable responses that could be bubbled in nicely. Harry was one of those questions. Everything about him left him wanting more, wondering more. 

He took a deep breath and smiled, looking over to the alpha beside him. The mark on his neck strung as he reached up to touch it, but the pain reminded him of how far the two of them had come in such a short amount of time. 

The pain that concentrated there was a bandage; a reminder that there could be something more if he let there be, but for now, the mark that would fade within the next few days would have to do. 

“You know, we still have a few hours until Lizzie gets home,” Harry said, dimples buried deep into his cheeks as he stood naked in the threshold between the bedroom and the bathroom. 

“I haven’t had sex in six years Harry.”

“So, a lot to make up for, right?”

He laughed as he rolled over, a smile on his face that he buried in the pillows to stifle his laugh. 

“Go take your shower and if you’re good I’ll let you have a cuddle when you’re clean. You smell.” 

“Oh, you’ll let me, huh?” 

Louis hummed his agreement, laughing under his breath. 

“But you better be quick!” 

He wasn’t back quickly at all, but Louis still let him cuddle him. 

  
  
  


The next day, he caught Harry staring at his neck at least a dozen times. 

His mum had told him shortly after he presented that alphas were simple creatures, easy to read when they were dumb with lust or love – and especially easy when it was a combination of the two. 

“They’ll stare at your neck,” She’d said, pushing a pan full of neatly folded croissant dough into the oven in the too small kitchen. “Never your chest or your face or your body. Your neck. There’s something about necks that are so intimate to an alpha. Look out for that.” 

He tried to think back on what had brought that conversation about, but he couldn’t remember. It was the only piece of the conversation he could remember at all, but the longer he let Harry rake his eyes over the exposed flesh of his neck, the more he believed her. 

As the weeks passed, Harry’s bedroom started to feel more like their bedroom. 

He felt comfortable there, comfortable beside the alpha again, and sleeping beside him was starting to feel normal. 

They laid in bed like every other night, radio playing in the background and arms wrapped around each other and blankets tangled around their ankles. It wasn’t late, but once Lizzie had gone to bed and they’d had another glass of wine, it felt like time to lay down and just relax together. 

The first time he’d fallen in love with Harry, it had been hard and fast and life changing. It felt revolutionary and like nothing he’d ever felt before. But as the days went on, the second time felt slower. It felt like he was getting to know a side of Harry he’d missed out on, before. 

Lizzie being around helped, of course. He got to see the gentle side of Harry that had only existed in the private moments between them, before. He got to see how he played pretend tea parties with her and let her put his too-short hair into little pony tails atop his head. 

“So I was thinking,” Harry started. “France.”

“Like, Paris? Or?” 

“Maybe nearby, but I’m kind of tired of living in the middle of a city.” Louis smiled as he looked up at Harry. He was so in love that it hurt – more than it had when he was younger, when he still considered himself a child without the real capacity to feel love in the way he did in that moment. Maybe those thoughts weren’t completely true, but he liked to try and rationalize being able to fall for the same alpha two times in one lifetime. 

“Maybe with a bit of land? I’ve always wanted a country home with a view.” 

“I know you have.”

The door creaked open quietly, then. 

Lizzie walked inside with her stuffed rabbit in her hand, crying softly. 

“I had a bad dream,” She said. 

“You can come into bed with us if you want, lovey,” Harry said, making a smile break out over Louis’ face. She didn’t say anything else, instead she just crawled up into the bed and settled herself right in between the two of them. 

She was asleep again within minutes and Harry smiled at Louis one last time before he shut the lamp light off beside their bed. “You said you didn’t want to give me an ultimatum,” Harry’s voice was hushed as he spoke, barely above a whisper as to not wake Lizzie. “What if I said you don’t need to? I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired, and I’d rather retire than die on the job.” 

Louis looked at him for a moment, trying to find any trace that his words weren’t true, but he knew somewhere deep down that he wouldn’t find any. Harry never spoke words that weren’t the truth, a trait he held close to his heart. 

“I’d say that’s incredible. It would make me more than happy to share my life with you.” 

“It wasn’t something I would have even considered had you proposed it six years ago, but I’m ready now. I want to leave and have a life with the two of you. That’s where I see my – our – future going, now.” 

Louis kissed him gently, a chaste press of his lips against his alpha’s. 

“Sleep now, alpha. Our dreams will still be there in the morning.” 

Harry laughed softly before he pressed a soft kiss against Lizzie’s sleeping forehead and wrapped his arm around Louis’ 

It didn’t take long before sleep came easy. 

  
  
  
  


France. 

It was decided with only a few more short conversations that that’s where they’d be going. Harry hadn’t figured out the exact town just yet – but they would be leaving within a few days’ time. 

“Can we go back to my old flat and get a few more things?”

“You know we can just buy anything you need when we get there, love,” Harry said, the concern clear in his knit down eyebrows. 

“I know. If you don’t think it’s safe to go then we don’t have to – but there’s photos and things there, you know? Of us, of Lizzie as a baby.” Harry smiled sadly, but he just nodded. 

“Alright. I guess we should go today before the sun sets?” 

He nodded. 

Harry helped Lizzie put her jacket and shoes on while Louis did the same for himself, and then they were out the door. 

The drive felt shorter on the way back, but Louis wasn’t sure if that was just because it was light outside or if it was just because he knew where they were going, the second time around. The edge of the city that he’d called his home for the past six years was familiar as they drove through – city streets he’d walked up and down every day, shops he’d been in every week, placed he’d visited more often than he could recall. 

Leaving it all felt harder than he thought it would have. Settling in for the first time all those years ago had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done – as a shy person in general and the youngest in his apartment complex, he hadn’t managed to make any friends. Niall had stuck around through the thick and thin of the years, but he’d always been it for him. 

He didn’t mind that at all – the stability was comfortable – but in that moment, leaving felt painful. 

Harry parked the car between two other cars along the street with a practiced ease Louis could never master, and then he was opening the doors for him and Lizzie. 

He walked into his flat for the last time with a heavy heart. 

Zayn and Liam had arrived before them and sat at the back of the bakery, each sipping on a coffee, just watching anyone who walked up to the second floor to bother them. There were only four units above the shop and Louis was the only resident under thirty five – and he told Liam and Zayn exactly that. 

Ten minutes inside the flat was all he needed, shoving photos and keepsakes into his bag as quickly as he could. Harry’s old leather jacket sat at the back of his closet and he slipped that around his shoulders with a smile on his face. 

“Do you need anything else?” Harry asked, a smile on his face as his eyes raked over Louis, recognition clear on his face. 

Something that sounded like a bang echoed through Louis’ flat, then. Harry heard it, first. He walked to the window slowly and pulled the blinds apart and watched outside for a moment, eyebrows furrowing.

Then, the first knock at the door came. 

Louis wasn’t a stranger to these formalities, to the theatrics that came with hunting down someone who someone else wanted dead. It was all part of an act, a fear tactic that served no purpose when the intent for the person on the other end was for them to die.

“Lizzie, baby, run to the backroom and get under the bed. Get under the bed and you cover your ears so tight that you can’t hear anything until mommy tells you to come out, alright?” He said, words rushed as he tried not to let the fear show on his own face and tried not to make her be afraid, either. 

He’d run through something like this with her, before. Just in case. Always an escape plan. He’d told her to go and hide under the bed until someone she knew came to get her out just in case his old life ever came knocking on his door. She didn’t deserve to be punished for anything he’d done. 

When Harry had taught him how to wield a gun, the purpose had been mostly metaphorical. A safety blanket without a practical use. He never had any intention to own a gun beyond the one that Harry had given him just in case all those years ago, and it was one of the things he’d left behind when he walked away; a symbol of his own separation from that life for himself and for his daughter. 

But those thoughts weren’t there as he watched Nick saunter across the room. A younger alpha boy followed him inside, standing at the door with a gun trained on Harry. 

“Well this is unexpected,” He said first. Harry stared at him with a fury in his eyes Louis had never seen before. “Both of you in one place!” A lopsided grin spread over Nick’s face, distorted along the scar that Harry had left there the first time he’d threatened him. “Here I thought I was gonna have to kill the little bitch before tracking you down, Styles.” 

“This isn’t going to end how you think it is, Grimshaw. Cut the bullshit.”

“What bullshit? You know as well as I do we work on a transactional basis. You fucked me over, I have to fuck you right back. Imagine my surprise when I found out you have a mate and a daughter. You’ve gone and made it too easy.” 

Louis hadn’t known Harry had a gun, but when he pulled it out and shot the man in the corner without so much as taking his eyes off of Nicks’ face, Louis remembered exactly how dangerous Harry was. Between their nights full of laughter and the gentle way Harry handled him at every moment, the pieces of him that were lethal were still there. 

Time felt frozen in place as he stood there, Harry at his side. 

He heard the gun cock, the sound registering in his brain before the motion of a finger on a trigger could. 

The barrel was aimed directly at him and all he could do was try to react, try to get himself out of the way of the danger. He pulled himself down, left, moving so fast that he felt the whine of his muscles beneath his skin.

But the sting of the bullet never came. 

Instead, he felt Harry’s hands at his waist, pulling him back and turning him around. 

And then all he could do was reach for the gun still clutched in Harry’s hand, finger on the trigger and firing three shots without hesitation. In a streamline of adrenaline, he moved with practiced ease; the movements trailing from his brain to his muscles before he could think them through. 

It had been years since he shot a gun, but he imagined it to be something like riding a bike – if he knew how, anyway. 

The first time Harry taught him to shoot, he’d said something about being a natural. The papers that hung from clothespin lines at the farthest edge of the city, beyond the center of the city and well past the rows of flats, had been littered with holes. All of them inside of the lines. 

Just like before, it came without thought. Rational thought left him with the burden of overthinking. 

He swallowed the lump of fear and adrenaline in his throat before he turned to Harry. 

And then there was the blood. 

So, so much blood. 

Harrys hands reached for his stomach where the bullet hit. 

He coughed – once, then twice. 

Louis tried to catch him before he fell to the floor, panic flooding over his entire body. He pulled the jacket from his shoulders and pressed it to the wound with shaking hands just as the door flew open. Liam and Zayn stood on the other side, guns drawn and ready. 

“He shot him!” Louis cried, his voice sounding far away. “He – it was meant for me, it was supposed to be me.” His panic manifested into tears as he felt himself being pulled away and being replaced by Liam at Harry’s side. 

What would we be without violence? Boring, cynical. I think it keeps the balance of the world. 

Those were words he hadn’t remembered until that moment; alcohol laden while they rested in the safety of their bed. 

It had been easier, then. 

Everything had been easier. 

But perhaps, he realized, there was something beautiful about the violence. The love, the overwhelming desire for Harry to live pulsing through every nerve ending, every vein, every muscle in his body. The pure, unabridged terror that this would be it; that his very last memory of Harry would be with his blood on his hands and down his shirt. 

He wondered if Harry would go to heaven. If he would, too. When they finally crossed over and were met at the gates of eternity, would Thomas look at their hands and see them both too dirty? Or would they be forgiven? 

Sobs wracked through his body as Zayn grabbed him and helped him to his feet. Only then did he make his way to Lizzie, helping her out from under the bed and outside, too. Louis couldn’t process everything that was going on around him enough to comfort her, not when he felt like he could barely hold himself together in that moment. 

Liam carried Harry out the door towards the car and all Louis could do was think about who they were and who they could become.   
  


It was a blur as Louis sat in the employee lounge of a hospital, an hours old cup of coffee in his hand. He stared out the window and tried not to let himself think of the ache in his chest. 

Liam and Zayn had taken Lizzie somewhere he vaguely remembered them saying, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel like a bad mother for not knowing. He trusted them to keep her safe for a few hours, at least. At least when he could barely bring himself to function or feel anything except the stinging pain of the fear of losing Harry for a second time. 

He’d finally found himself falling in love with the future after too many years spent tripping over memories of the past, and the fear of losing it again ran deep. 

“Louis?” Someone said behind him, he turned to find Shawn standing just a few feet behind him. He hadn’t seen him since before he left Harry, but he hadn’t changed much at all through the years. “What are you doing here?” 

“Um,” He started, swallowing a lump at the back of his throat, “Harry’s here.” 

He looked skeptical for just a moment as his eyes darted between his tear stained face and his hands and the scrub shirt that replaced his blood-stained shirt. “Yeah, that’s why I’m here.”

“Is he alright?” His voice was wrecked as if he’d been screaming, but he didn’t remember screaming. But he wouldn’t doubt it; every moment between Harry dropping to the ground and the fog lifting when he saw Shawn felt like a blur of passing time. 

“Yeah. I left the OR right as the doc was stitching him up. Said he’ll be fine.” He nodded, another fresh wave of tears forming in his eyes. “I’m not gonna ask you what you’re doing here, mate because I know it’s not my place. I just hope you know what you’re getting at with all of this.”

“I do. Thanks for telling me he’s alright.” He got a muted smile in response, but Louis couldn’t bring himself to try and make any kind of conversation in that moment. 

A little more than an hour later, Liam and Zayn were leading him back out the same backdoor that they’d come in through and out to a car. They took two separate cars and Zayn led him towards the opposite car than the one Harry was taking, but he didn’t have the energy to question it. He wasn’t entirely sure how long he’d been sitting there or how long Harry had been in the operating room, but he felt slightly more complete with the idea that they were going to go home. 

Home. 

He wasn’t sure where home was anymore – not in the physical sense. He felt like home was wherever Harry and Lizzie were, wherever he felt the most comfortable. But he wasn’t sure where that was going to be after all of this. 

“He’s going to be alright?” He asked once the door was closed. 

“Thankfully the bullet didn’t hit anything major, so yeah. He’s just gonna need to rest for a bit.” Louis exhaled and it felt like he was letting go of a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I will say you’re the only person on this earth that I think Harry would ever take a bullet for, though. I didn’t know you before – whatever before means when people talk about it – but he must really love you.” 

“He does.” A pause. “Where’s Elizabeth?” 

“At the house. She fell asleep after Liam made her supper, just before we went to get you two.”

He nodded, a peaceful smile across his face. The drive home was quiet after that. Traffic left them running behind on the motorway, but Louis let himself enjoy a moment of silence. 

Lizzie was safe. Harry was safe. He was safe. 

Nothing else seemed to matter and he doubted that it ever would. Those were the most important things to him in that moment. 

As soon as the car pulled up to the too-familiar house he’d spent years living in, he tried not to keep tripping on the past. Zayn pulled out a key and let him in and his legs guided him through familiar hallways to the door at the end of the farthest back hallway. He knocked twice but the door was unlocked, so he walked in. 

“Hi, baby,” Harry said, a dopey smile on his face and half hooded eyes. 

“Hi,” He said, breathless. All he could do was climb into the bed beside him and let himself get lost in the closeness. A wave of deja vu washed over him as he got himself as close as he could, a sad smile on his face. “I was worried about you. Thought I’d lost you again.” 

“You can’t get rid of me that easy.” The way he spoke it was clear he was exhausted, high on whatever medication he’d been given for the pain, but the words still felt sincere. “Stuck with me forever, you know?” His eyes were closed as he spoke that time, and barely a moment later his breathing evened out with sleep. 

Lizzie crawled into bed with them a few minutes later and situated herself to the side of Louis just so she didn’t touch anywhere that would hurt Harry. Louis fell asleep last, Harry’s snores and Lizzie’s soft breathing surrounding him in the room. 

  
  


***

  
  


When Louis was a child, he’d dreamed of a countryside home, an alpha that loved him as much as he loved them, and a family to wake up to every morning. When he opened his eyes in the mornings, he found himself having to make sure that he wasn’t still dreaming, that he wasn’t still the seventeen year old kid with a big heart and dreams that he could never put into words. 

The bed beside him was cold when he rolled over. He could smell coffee from the kitchen and heard the sound of voices floating through the house, so he let himself lay there for a moment, a smile on his face. 

Just a moment later he heard the sound of footsteps and then the gentle whine of the door being pressed open. “Mummy, daddy told me to tell you he wants to go out to breakfast.” In his barely-awake state, eyes barely half open, he almost didn’t register the words. 

Lizzie calling Harry her dad didn’t feel revolutionary, and it wasn’t anything new. It shouldn’t have been anything that made him feel any kind of way, yet it sprung an emotion into his chest that he couldn’t describe. He didn’t question her about it – she was smart enough to know what she meant, and he felt happiness wring around his heart at the thought. 

He’d been on his own so long that he worried he’d started to not know any better. He’d learned to ignore the yearning and the need for the missing piece; but, now that Harry had found his way back into his life – into their life – he felt whole. Complete. 

“Well tell him I’ll be right out.” 

They hadn’t told her that he was actually her dad. She was too young to understand it, too young to be able to understand why he’d been gone for so long. All he could hope was that when she got older she wouldn’t remember that he wasn’t there for so long. 

“Will you marry me? For real this time?” Louis bit his lip as he stared up at Harry. 

Yes, yes, yes he wanted to say. He had no reason to say no, had no reason to turn down the man he was still in love with and always would be. Yet, he hesitated. The identity that he’d built up for himself was centered on doing things himself, on being alone and taking the world as it came on his own. 

The part of him that wanted to be loved and taken care of had been pushed away so deeply that he wasn’t sure he could ever feel that way again. 

“I want to,” He said, not letting himself look into his alpha’s eyes. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?” Harry didn’t seem angry or confused. Rather just curious, mouth curved into a sad smile with bright eyes. 

He took a moment to think about it, to think about what was really holding him back from saying yes to Harry. Anything that he’d said before, every answer that he’d given to the questions he asked himself when he left had been centered around a better life for his baby; nothing had ever been done for him. It had been so long since he ever did anything just for himself that he wasn’t sure he even knew how, anymore. 

The piece of him that thought for himself and only himself, the selfish thoughts that he wanted more than anything had faded over the years as the joy and contentment with his life had filled that space instead. He’d never been unhappy; Lizzie made him the happiest man on the planet and he was happy to admit that to anyone who asked, even himself. 

But everything he did was for her. 

“Being happy. Fully happy. Doing something for myself, I think.” 

“Do you think being with me would be letting Lizzie down?”

“No.” 

He didn’t have to hesitate on that. Harry was incredible with her, and the safety that he promised them away from anything that could ever haunt his past was enough comfort that he could distance himself from their old life without worry. The questions he’d asked before, the why me, when Harry was his because, had been different. 

He’d been a different man, then. 

But maybe not as different as he thought. 

Now when he found himself asking those same questions, the answer was the same, even if just slightly modified. Harry and Lizzie were his because. 

“Then marry me. Spend the rest of your life with me and let me do the same.” 

“Okay. Yes. I’ll marry you.” Dimples spread on Harry’s cheeks as he smiled, a toothy smile that matched the gleam in his eyes. He pulled Louis into his arms and kissed him, holding him so tight that he felt like they were one. “I love you.” 

“I love you.” 

“Oh, and by the way,” Louis started, dropping the robe from his shoulders as a gust of wind blew through the open balcony doors. “Your child is kicking.”

It seemed like it took a moment to dawn on the alpha after he said it, but as soon as he did, Harry grinned as Louis took off running down the hallway of their too-big house, robe flying behind him as the wind flowed in through the open windows. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> There are a lot of song references buried in this fic. There are also a lot of poetry references and references to classic novels. Some of them more obvious than others. Let me know in the comments if you've found them (and of course what you actually think of the fic I hate asking for comments but I can shed my pride for a moment).


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